Candidate Confusion

Confused about which candidate to vote for in the upcoming election? Just memorize this handy-dandy guide for easy voting!

I will unfortunately only look at the top three candidates. While the smaller-party candidates hold positions closer to the majority of the American people they do not hold positions favored by those in power (business, media, politics, you name it). Paranoid? You betcha!

Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton
She will sell this country down the river (or to China or the highest bidder) as long as she makes a buck off the deal.

Mr. Barrack Hussein Obama
Hates America. So does his wife. They'll sell this country down the river just for the sheer joy of it.

Mr. John McCain
Will back any idea as long as it gets him attention from the media. Won't intentionally sell the country down the river (what does that mean, anyway) but it'll happen anyway.