Music Review - Paul McCartney - Standing Stone

I still can't bring myself to waste an hour listening to this again... I just remember it as one big mess. I was being overly polite in my review, an early one at that, and I didn't want to slam Sir Paul too badly. Now I don't care.

"Standing Stone", Paul McCartney's second large-scale classical work, is a symphonic poem of epic proportions based on a Celtic legend written by McCartney himself. McCartney freely admits that he cannot read or write music and has never had any schooling in the "rules" of classical music. In order to give form to this piece, he decided to create his Celtic story of the origins of mankind and the mystery of human existence upon which to drape this symphonic work. For those wanting to read this legend, be assured that it is included in what is perhaps the thickest set of liner notes I have ever seen with a compact disc, including the composers thoughts on the piece as well as a brief history of the first performance and a few sketches Paul made while writing his poem. To get the music in his head into musical notation, he played or sang each part into a computer which would recognize the note and then create the written musical notation. And the result? As a long-time Beatles fan, I really wanted to fall in love with this piece. However, the lack of a strong central theme in a piece this long (over 74 minutes) and the hodge-podge of influences and styles ranging from Holst to Ives to gypsy themes to minimalism left a lot to be desired. The huddled masses, however, feel otherwise as this piece has been #1 on the Classical charts all winter. I am not trying to say that the piece is completely devoid of substance. Much the opposite, as trademark McCartney melodies are skillfully woven into the fabric at many key points. The more I listen to the piece, the more nuances I uncover, and the more I like it.

The symphonic poem opens with a dissonant crash of randomness, a primitive rainstorm signifying the creation of form out of chaos. One doesn't have to wait long to hear the first of many beautiful melodies, this one played by a solo horn portraying the beginning of life. Continually layered over the piece is a full chorus, though except for a short section near the end, this chorus provides mood and texture but does not sing words. Overall, the first third of the piece is energetic and exciting as it depicts fire and the beginning of life. The tempo is mostly upbeat and it is easy to hear McCartney being excited about the creation of a new orchestral piece, bringing his Celtic legend to life. The second third drags along with only a few good melodies and a double helping of still, near-silent expanses, almost as if the composer was unsure of how to bridge the gap between the beginning of his story and his clearly perceived conclusion. However, the final section is back in mood with the first, portraying a rustic celebration and dance complete with peasant tunes and jigs, filled with an abundance of memorable melodies that could only have written by Paul McCartney. Overall, an impressive and massive (albeit inconsistent) undertaking for someone who has never studied composition and a worthwhile addition to the musical library of any Beatles fan.

This article first appeared in WhatzUp, March 1998.

Music Review - Wolf Hoffmann - Classical

Many of us have heard it, some heavy metal band tromping through a classical piece like Ride of the Valkyries or Hall of the Mountain King with about as much finesse as a drunken elephant at a pottery fair. Then along comes Wolf Hoffmann, guitarist of the former 80s metal band Accept, with an entire CD of popular classical pieces arranged for electric guitar. Disaster in the making? From the very first spin of this CD, I have to admit that I was impressed, not only with his technical skill but with his obvious understanding and respect of this music as well. Instead of attempting to play the pieces exactly as written, Hoffmann has arranged each piece into a new creation, keeping the melody intact but often rearranging the underlying chords and/or feel of the piece. In fact, the album could have been called "Variations on a Theme By..." For instance, in Hoffmann's capable hands, Beethoven's Fur Elise becomes a smoky blues number complete with Hammond B3. Habanera from Bizet's Carmen Suite No. 2 (just one of three Bizet pieces covered) is filled with a number of scorching melodic guitar solos backed by the impulsive Bizet melody. And yes, he does a version of Hall of the Mountain King, though not without some initial reservation. Hoffmann's concept of this metal standard is to take it into an R&B mode, more rock than metal with Grieg's theme dueling with a sizzling rock guitar. Other pieces include Pomp & Circumstance, Arabian Dance from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, and an abridged version of Smetana's The Moldau. Again, I must state how impressed I was with how tastefully these pieces were arranged and carried out. The guitar playing is immaculately clean, many times more like a classical guitar in style but on an electric. Distortion is used judiciously to color, not to cover up flawed technique. In addition to electric guitar, Hoffmann adds bass, piano, drums, and orchestral percussion, in various combinations. By rearranging these pieces instead of just doing "cover" versions, Hoffmann has made one of the best bridges between "serious classical" and "popular" music that I've heard in years. Adventurous classical music fans and guitarists would do well to add this to their collection!

Get this CD directly from the artist at www.wolfhoffmann.com.

This article first appeared in WhatzUp, April 2000.

The Bestest Books I Read in 2014

Crikey! Has it really been over two months since I posted? Like it matters. But for some reason I feel like writing and so here goes...

The Bestest Books I Read in 2014

What? No music best of? Maybe later, tater. According to my dorky database, I read a total of 33 books in 2014, down from 37 in the two years previous. 2007 was a banner year at 53 with 51 in both 2008 and 2009. In 2003 I only read eight books, or rather I started the database in 2004 and had to recall what I read and we all know how bad my memory is. Who knows what gems I forgot to catalog? Now turning to our ten day forecast...

I just loves me to read. And write. There's no money in writing, or reading, so I can't support a family that way and instead sit in a windowless office staring at a monitor for eight hours a day. Not straight, mind you, 'cause I share an office with a guy who feeds every two hours on nuts and chips and cups full of ice ("That cup isn't going to magically refill there, buddy, so you might as well throw it in the trash.") Then my misophonia kicks in and I take a walk. That's probably good 'cause nine out of ten taxidermists say that sitting too long causes hemorrhoids.

My wife loves to read but rarely gets to. I read almost exclusively during my lunch break because at home I serve as a jungle gym where small children climb on me. I like being a jungle gym but it's easy to lose your place on the page when you're trying to "Daddy, look at this" every minute or so. My two older daughters love to read as well, which I really like. Except when they read two or more full novels in a day. That's when you know you have a problem.

Of the books I read this past year, eighteen were non-fiction and fifteen were fiction (again, from the database). That's a decent balance, methinks. Reading fiction is a much needed mental escape, especially if you don't watch much TV or movies, but like TV and movies, too much fiction and you should probably start looking into what you are trying to avoid. I should probably read more fiction, though, 'cause life is hard. Sometimes a month or so goes by and I'm finding myself to be really grouchy or irritable and I realize that I haven't read a novel in a while. It's good medicine, mate.

But non-fiction rocks as well. It's the best kind of continuing education. Read ten novels and you've been entertained but not really much better off (unless they are well researched historical novels). Read ten non-fiction books and suddenly you're ready for Jeopardy. Well, perhaps not but at least you've hopefully challenged your thinking a bit.

Three books top my 2014 non-fiction reading list, all of which can cause a shift to one's thinking. The first is Seven Experiments That Could Change The World by Rupert Sheldrake. These are experiments that nearly any one can do that seem to turn accepted knowledge on it's head. You know, those things that we were taught in school that everyone takes for granted. For instance, how do homing pigeons home? A number of theories have been put forth over the years but despite some scientists saying that know, they really don't have experimental, repeatable proof of any theory. Another interesting tidbit is that constants such as the speed of light or the force of gravity are not constant. For instance, during the almost century that we've been able to measure the speed of light it has changed. Not gotten more accurate, but actually changed. For instance, it was measurably slower during the 1930s and 1940s by almost every measurement around the globe. Sheldrake also fills us in on how scientists treat data, throwing out measurements that are outside of what they expect, calling them errors, instead of looking into why the measurement is not what they expect.
The other two books are by L.A. Marzulli. On The Trail of the Nephilim is packed with photographs of impressive architectural stonework in South America and elsewhere, postulating that these engineering marvels (many of which we still cannot replicate) were constructed by super-intelligent ancient man. Or ancient giants (nephilim) and then goes on to give archeological proof. The other book, Cosmic Chess Match explains that age old question of how a loving God could tell Isreal to wipe out entire groups of people in the Old Testament. In a nutshell, in Genesis God tells Satan that Eve's seed would crush his head and so Satan begins to try to corrupt Eve's seed. Hence the giants in Genesis 6 and the need for the flood to cleanse the earth of corrupted DNA. Also hence the mixed-race genetic corruption of groups of people that Israel had to destroy (and notice, God didn't tell them to wipe out every city in the promised land) and the report from Joshua and Caleb that they appeared as grasshoppers compared to the current occupants. I and others would also postulate that the coming trans-humanism (altering our DNA and that of animals and food) is yet another attempt at corrupting the "good" that God has made. It's pretty freaky stuff but Marzulli has things well documented and logically presented.

As far as fiction, an early enjoyable read was Flight of the Shadows by Sigmund Brouwer. He's married to a Christian music artist and while there was a strong current of morality in this book, it would fail the "Chistianese" test of most bookstores. It was also a sequel of which I was unaware. Elysium by Keith Robinson was a smash and a blast, being the best apologetic-science-fiction that I've read yet. Published in 2013, I'm hoping that Robinson is hard at work on the next book in the series. Another good one is The Resurrection by Mike Duran. Part thriller, part character study, this book focuses on a small town that experiences a resurrection of a boy and how this affects people, from the lady who laid a hand on the boy in his casket before he rose, to her family, friends and pastor, to the people in the town who think she has a gift from God. Good stuff, there. Also in the "Christian-Thriller" genre, and quite possibly the best book I read all year, is 3 Gates of the Dead by Indiana's own Jonathon Ryan. Fast-paced, gritty and faith-based, this one takes place in Ohio and incorporates the occult and nephilim-built mounds. Impeccably written but probably not one you'll find on the shelves of your local Family Bookstore as there is some language (though The Resurrection has no such issues). The sequel is due out this spring and my bank account is itching.

While I didn't intentionally seek out Christian books, they certainly do seem to top my list. One that earned a solid ten is by none other than Donald Westlake. What I Tell You Three Times Is False is the third book written under the pen name of Sam Holt. Apparently Westlake wanted to know if his books sold because of his name or if they were actually good and so he started yet another pen name. He was outed after the second book and decided to just have fun with the whole concept and in the process wrote a book that is an immensely enjoyable read. I write more of this book here.

The Worlds Most Expensive Vegetables - Part 16

In the words of Devin Townsend, "Let's finish this!"

Yeah, so I've been slacking on the garden posting. It's not easy to get excited when things are winding down and the vittles get weird spots on them due to cold weather. This here is a picture of the current state of The Worlds Most Expensive Garden. Pretty sad, really.

But let's back up a bit and harken back to about the time I stopped posting. Here's that corn that came out chewy. If you look to the right you'll see some cows giving the corn the eye. Maybe the cows ran into my garden a few times this summer to get corn or maybe they were trying to get away from the stink of their barn. Only the cows know.

A "modern artsy" shot of tomatoes in their glory days. "Ooooh, look at me! I'm only slightly in focus!" Very trendy, so I understand.

That was then, this is now (pea pods, that is), though still just as artsy-fartsy.

This is a picture of me an' the missus. Move along, Peeping Tom.

Odds and ends. A small haul, most of which got eaten. As an aside, my household isn't very good at planning around the harvest (it takes practice and time, both rare in my house) so often a fresh cucumber would slip to the back of the fridge, found much later as a shriveled mummy. Or cabbage would sit and patiently wait for it's moment of glory, like a timpani player, only to have peak freshness pass before we were ready. Or remembered. Also note the playful Tomato People! These are romas and so stand a mere three inches tall although they look much bigger. Memories have a way of inflating things.

Speaking of forgetting, or almost forgetting, is the melon party! An unskilled grower like myself has a window of about six and one third minutes between when a melon is actually ripe (and thus no longer tastes like a cucumber) and when it starts to rot. I rescued these and held them in captivity in the garage fridge. My personal favorite is the white, though it's a crapshoot if you get sweet, sweet heaven or sour cucumber. Ya can't tell by looking.

The carrots have done extremely well, at least the white ones. I found that if you don't eat them within minutes of plucking them from the soil they get rubbery, which is why if you look at the top photo you can see some carrots still holding on tight for their chance to feed us. With yellow, white and orange carrots (I know, I can't believe I forgot purple) we chop them into round slices and make cooked candy corn carrots. They kids have been known to be tricked into eating these as the evening snack... at least the younger kids. But this isn't carrots, it's the sweet tater vines.

And here's the sweet taters dug up. There's a complicated curing process involving 90 degree temperatures and 90% humidity for seven days with the taters aligned north to south and rotated every hour by Scandinavian immigrants. I refuse to participate and am trying method #2 which involves leaven them outside on the ground during daylight hours to toughen their outer skin. Hopefully they don't rot or turn rubbery. In any case, I'm sure it's all just a waste of time and money.

Speaking of money, what's the total for the year? Here's my rough notes... too lazy to format them completely.

Big tomatoes - $10 - eating two every day at work
More marconi and bell peppers that are due - one big black, multi-color pack = 1
black, 3 red. $6 for peppers
Melons (one in fridge now) $3
Melon is a pumpkin! Also, mini pumpkins. $4
Lotta mini-melons - well four. Tried lots. $4
8# green beans - $10
Cucumbers - $1
butternut squash are small and covered with squash bugs- pitch 'em
Put rosemary up to dry - five year supply - $3
4# more green beans - $5
Put sage dried - $2
Drying sunflower seeds - $4
White sweet taters - organic - about 30# - $45
Loads more carrots - about 20# - $20

We froze six pounds of them green beans without washing and blanching. Am I insane?!?!? If you have any doubt regarding the sanity of a man who spends $500 on a stupid garden then I doubt YOUR sanity. I got the tip from this site. I think I'll grab a bag out tonight and see how they taste.

Adding everything up comes to $117 leaving the total cost/profit at $308 in the hole. Get it? Gardening? Hole? Oh well. There are still a few smallish peppers growing and pea pods I really should gather up tonight and two cauliflower plants that did nothing all year except look like freakish palm trees but now are sporting wee tiny cauliflower buds so I'll round down to $300 that I'm out.

But surely I can make it up next year, right? I could if we were going to be living here next summer, which we probably aren't. That's a long story that I doubt my lawyer will let me tell at the moment but chances are good that I will be taking at least a few of my $500 expense with us.

Thanks for reading. Happy garden dreaming this winter, y'all!

Book Review - What I Tell You Three Times Is False - Donald Westlake

Only Donald Westlake could write a deconstructionist novel that contains a discussion on deconstructionism. He not only gets away with this blatant disregard for form but does so in such a casual as to make it look easy. The man is a genius.

If you’re like me, you have (or had) no clue as to what “deconstructionism” is. According to Westlake, it’s the reason Westerns failed. It’s easier if I just quote:

“In each genre there are basic patterns, recurring scenes, stock characters. So with the deconstructionists the story is aware that it’s a story, the characters are aware that they’re characters with a function to fulfill, and the reader or the audience is constantly being reminded that this isn’t real life, this is a pattern, and it’s being presented in a particular way because of various artistic decisions and to further some sort of argument… In a western, the tough but honest foreman is aware that he’s an archetype, that Ward Bond is the basic figure he’s modeled after, and that the purpose he’s been created for is to represent that element of the story and not to live a regular life like a regular human being.”

Whew! That said, in What I Tell You Three Times Is False, written under the pen name of Samuel Holt, Westlake has the audacity to have Charlie Chan, Miss Marple and Sherlock Holmes find themselves in a mystery. Or rather these characters come in the form of three actors who have portrayed these famous literary characters to the point that the public identifies one with the other. And the actors have begun to identify themselves with the character, or in some cases are fighting against it. These actors are presented with a classic murder mystery scenario: death in a locked room. They just happen to be on an island to film a public service ad for some charity but a tropical storm blew in just after they landed so they are trapped in a mansion, a kind of closed room in itself due to the inability to go outside in the fierce storm. One of them, or one of a small handful of guests and service people on the island, is the killer. And then another murder happens. And then another. One by one the list pares down as they wait for the storm to lift, hoping to solve the murders before they are next.

What I Tell You Three Times Is False was a total blast to read even though I’ve never read a Charlie Chan or Miss Marple book. Good clean murderous fun for the whole family!

Music Review - The Zombies - The Singles Collection

Now HERE'S THE STUFF! What a solid band with too few albums. Dig it, bro.
A few years ago while listening to the oldies station, "Time of the Season" was playing and even though I'd heard this song countless times before, the signature bass line really stood out this time. So began my quest to find out about The Zombies, culminating in the purchase and severe enjoyment of The Singles Collection. The CD contains all fourteen of their singles, both A and B sides (kids, ask your parents if you need this concept explained) covering their entire career. The Zombies only had two or three really big hits but were constant favorites of the critics. Since I'm technically a critic, I'm legally obligated to like them for fear of being disbarred from the union. What set The Zombies apart from the rest of the bands that came over with The British Invasion was their heavy use of keyboards, minor keys, jazzy feel, and their ability to consistently write catchy yet complex songs.

The CD kicks off with their first big hit "She's Not There" a song with some great organ playing that paved the way for The Doors, plus some great interplay between the bass and an inventive drum part. The sound of The Zombies is difficult to capture because they did so many so well. There's the near-Rolling Stones sound of "Woman", the early Beatles feel of "You Make Me Feel Good" and the Supremes R&B of "She's Coming Home". "Indication", a later single, moves along like a speeding semi-truck with a rollicking, fun bass line before ending with a proggish melody on the guitar. In contrast "Beechwood Park" is a gloomy, melancholy minor-key ode to erstwhile days spent in Beechwood Park. "Conversation Off Floral Street", the only instrumental on the CD, flips the beat around like Brubeck's "Take Five" with lots of upbeat organ and a relaxed, pastoral bridge. Of course, The Zombies scored their biggest hit, "Time of the Season" after they broke up. While there aren't any songs on the CD quite like this classic where more is said with what is not played that what is, every song on this album deserves more airplay than it received. The bass is inventive and prominent, nearly as much as the plentiful keyboards, and the songs take unexpected twists, using chords outside the traditional rock repertoire. For those who tread the musical road less traveled, this CD is a lesson in expanding boundaries. For everyone else, it's just chock full-o-great songs.

This review first appeared in WhatzUp, March 2001.

Music Review - Spongebob Squarepants - Theme Highlights

Ah, the good ol' days when I had time to watch TV. Now I realize that it's 99.99% garbage so I'm not missing anything. I wonder if this albums a collector piece now?
Are ya ready kids? I can't hear you! Arrrrrr! As if the neighbors didn't wonder about you already, you can now blast the songs from the show SpongeBob Squarepants out of your high-fidelity stereo system 24/7. Much like it's spiritual father The Ren & Stimpy Show, SpongeBob Squarepants is a very offbeat children's cartoon that often includes humor aimed way above the heads of the obvious child target audience. Further proof is provided by the tracks on this CD, one of which was recorded by Ween and another by Pantera, neither of which are likely to land a guest spot on Sesame Street. Fittingly, the album kicks off with the theme song, sung by the gruff but lovable Painty the Pirate. Ween follows with the chirpy yet instructional shoe-tying song "Loop De Loop." Sandy Cheeks (with Nashville mainstay Junior Brown) croons her "Texas Song", mixing ukulele with lap steel. A few seconds of show dialog introduces "Pre-Hibernation" by Pantera, which is essentially a minute-plus of distorted, heavy trash guitar… very out of place in any other "children's" cartoon but just another day in the SpongeBob universe. A 50's beat jazzes up "Ripped Pants", the finale of the episode that introduced America to sponges in underpants. Like a good brain hemorrhage, "SpongeBob Scaredy Pants" mixes the theme song from The Munsters with sixties surf music into another enticing episode closer. Aside from the theme song, my favorite track is "F.U.N. Song" sung by SpongeBob and the ultimate napoleon complex, Plankton. As the Pollyannic SpongeBob sings "F is for friends who do stuff together / U is for You and me…" Plankton growls "F is for fire that burns down the whole town / U is for uranium… BOMBS!" The worst part about this twisted album is that the seven tracks speed by in a mere nine minutes. Surely the powers that be could have squeezed on another couple of songs or even a minute or two of that great "ukulele played underwater" incidental music. Or more dialog. OR ANYTHING! It's zany, spastic fun as only SpongeBob can provide but at nine minutes, it isn't worth the list price of $7.49.

This review first appeared in WhatzUp, November 2001.