Classic Album Review - Galactic Cowboys - Space In Your Face (1993)

When Galactic Cowboys came onto the scene they were touted as the heavier cousins of King’s X. As I was a huge King’s X fan at the time I immediately latched onto them. It took me a while to get into their debut album because it truly was much heavier than anything I’d been listening to and to this day I still find this album sonically sludgy. Their second album, Space In Your Face, cleaned up this sludge and gave the whole mess a nice polish. It retained the heaviness, much to the chagrin of my roommate at the time who couldn’t understand how I could switch from this mass of metal to Keith Green.

This second and finale Cowboys album to be produced by Sam Taylor, the same guy who produced the first four King’s X albums, spent over a year in my CD player. Say what you want about this guy, he can bring out the best in musicians. After this album they, like King’s X, dropped their producer and much of the progressive element from their sound and went more power pop. Good stuff but not the greatness of Space In Your Face.

So what’s so great about this album? I was hoping you would ask.

The title track introduces the album, 1:38 of twisting molten metal that effortlessly and playfully mangles the meter before jumping into a jazzy mid-section sure to puzzle all die-hard metalheads. Then comes “You Make Me Smile” with more non-conformity to 4/4 time signatures and an extremely aggressive speed-metal-like riff. But when the song gets to the chorus it’s all four-part vocal harmony candy. It’s also the first exhibition of their melodic prowess… this stuff is stick-in-your-head-for-weeks catchy! And not just in the vocals… the bass and guitars each lay down lines that refuse to leave your head. “I Do What I Do” is another vocal masterpiece, this time contrasting even stickier, sweeter vocal harmonies against an edgy, spooky verse. And let’s not forget the vocally intricate lead up to the chorus…. WOW! Pick a part and sing alone, will ya? And then, like in “Smile” there’s the lengthy instrumental passage at the end full of crazy chicanery. “Circles In The Fields” is a smiling poke at the then oft-reported incident of crop circles, complete with jack hammer sound effects and call/answer vocals. “If I Were A Killer” takes unique aim at abortion and abortionists. “Blind” is packed with gorgeous vocal harmonies so rich and lush that you want to eat them, contrasting softer passages with heavy crushing guitars. But ya know, I don’t think the harmonies stop once. Lyrically the song is a modern version of “I once was blind but now I see,” one of many Christian themes that run through the album.

Typical of CDs at the time, the band hid a couple of tracks. I’d read that their label only wanted nine songs and they had eleven so these were tucked away, one after ten tracks of silence and one in the negative space before track 32. It is to this final track, “Still Life of Peace,” to which I now draw your attention. Simply put, this song is astounding! It’s like nothing else I’ve ever heard and I love it, which means that most everyone else probably hates it and likes that it’s easy to skip. But where else can you hear a sitar and tabula battle against a cello? NOWHERE! Yes, sitar and tabula open the song while the boys do their vocal magic in the verse and then the song smashes into a prog-metal romp with six tons of low end. A brief instrumental passage occurs after verse two where the cello and the sitar lay down melodic solos and the song takes a brief divergence into ¾ territory before returning to the metal riff, this time with the cello joining in. They jump back and forth between ¾ land and the metal riff, sometimes only for half a measure just to keep you on your toes, and then introduce a speed metal riff into the mix. The cellos are front and center for verse three, sliding and gutsy in a manner that is not befitting a proper orchestral member.

I should mention that while I use the terms "progressive" and "prog" that's not really the focus. Yeah, the flip the beat around and have longer songs and somewhat complicated song structures, but they're no more progressive than early Metallica albums. That is, the songs and melodies are the focus and the technical flourishes are extras thrown in at no extra charge.

Easter "Service"

In our ongoing quest to find a church that fits the esoteric members of our extensive family we decided to skip the usual Easter morning service. Christmas and Easter services are rarely indicative of the true character of a local body and since it just seemed like a whole lot of work to get everyone up early and ready (so that we could struggle to find parking and then squeeze into a pew surrounded by people who probably wouldn’t be there the following week) we decided to take a different route: The Passion Play.

There is a large church near our house that holds a drama each Easter. I’ve been to this church a few times in the past to see concerts (Rich Mullins twice, Phil Keaggy and Steve Curtis Chapman once each) and once for a service during college where a few people spoke in tongues and no one interpreted. Since that lone service the church body moved to a different location and sold the building off to another body of believers. With little or no research the Mrs. and I thought it would be good to take the kids to this play, a kind of immersive dramatic telling of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection that might help us see things in a fresh light.

The ticket said doors opened at six and the show started at 7:30. Having experience with showing up in the nick of time only to search and search for seats for my entire brood, I went by myself a bit after six to save seats. Entering into the church I was immediately impressed. The hallways were made up like the streets of Jerusalem and every member of the cast was in costume, populating the streets in character. You could eat figs or pomegranate juice, pet a camel or a baby sheep, even give alms to a blind beggar. I found seats for us all and immediately called Melynda so that they could arrive early and experience “Jerusalem.”

Eventually the show started with a crowded, noisy, chaotic stage full of (nearly) the entire cast. The scene told of how the census was ordered, complete with a Roman soldier on a horse going up and down the aisles. The lights dimmed and opened again on Mary, Joseph, and a real live almost-newborn. As a joke I leaned over to Melynda and sang “Mary did you know?” And then the music started up... and it was “Mary Did You Know” sung in full-out hot dogging American Idol (or Starsearch for us old timers) style. That was our first warning. It was also about the only song we heard that night whose words we could fully understand. It continued in this way, a scene or two and then a funky loud gospel song sung full of squeals and vocal tricks, often with three or more singers taking the spot light. It was a nice distraction from the “scenes” which were often very large crowd scenes full of people shouting over each other, stretching things out waaaaay too long because the instrumental music needed another minute to complete.

The acting was mostly decent. Except for the lead pharisee. This guy must have gone to the William Shatner school of acting. I... kid... you NOT! It was agonizing to where we were both saying, “Speed it up, man!” Between the music and the spots of bad acting it was impossible to get into the drama.

The worst part, however, was near the end. Jesus was being beaten while a crowd had (it seemed) everyone reaching for something (“What’s my motivation for reaching?”). It was about as close to touching as the play got. And then someone must have pushed the wrong button or something because loud and funky dance music started up. Except it was no mistake. The choir, with a few hot trotting lead singers, went through a jumpin’ ramped up number with a man portraying our beaten Savior laying in a heap before our eyes. It was one of the most disrespectful and irreverent spectacles I’ve ever witnessed.

Shortly after this, with the play having gone on for over two hours and they still hadn’t put Jesus in the tomb, we decided that we knew how the story ended and left. Hopefully we didn't miss a gangsta rap number as Jesus Ascended into Heaven.

My Neighbor

For some reason my next door neighbor appears to hate us. We don't throw raucous parties or have a dog that leaves messes on their lawn. Sure, we have kids who leave their riding toys outside but mostly these are in the back. And no, our lawn is not perfectly manicured like theirs is but I've never been a lawn buff and am certainly no fan of the amount of chemicals it would take to get it "perfect."

So we're flummoxed.

We have a detached garage but it's way in the back. To get there we have to drive up a long, narrow driveway and backing up on this would be even worse. So we park halfway up the drive where it's not as steep, just like many of our neighbors on this street. It's a condition of old neighborhoods. Also our driveway is right up against their property line so when we exit our van on the passenger side we have to step on their lawn. In the past I've asked the husband if this was okay and he seemed perfectly fine with it as we were stepping on the lawn (not getting it muddy) or on a part of the landscaping that was mulch.

But last fall a plant suddenly showed up right where the kids exit the van. Even worse, it was a crimson barberry. You know, those extremely prickly shrubs? For a lawn as perfect and perfectly coordinated this small bush is an anomaly. And yet there it sits, insidiously growing it's thorns.

Today our Easter surprise was a political sign planted smack dab on our property line. Seriously! I half laughed and half got angry. In a world where the barberry was a subtle hint the political sign is a megaphone. Take a look at the pictures below. I mean, you can't see the sign coming down one side of the street because it is blocked by our van and from the other direction it is way back on their property behind a small rise in their yard. They usually put their signs up by the light post.

Is this the "class act" behavior I am to expect from a cultured New Yorker?

Going To Jail - American Community Survey Part 1

Early last week I received a threat from our Federal Gov., a little postcard to let me know that I would soon be receiving the American Community Survey. That survey arrived late last week.

For those of you unfamiliar with the American Community Survey, it's a very intrusive and mandatory survey asking things such as "how many times have you been married" and "what time do you leave for work in the morning." Yes, it's all supposed to help the fed. gov do, well, I guess they want to know what time I leave so they can break in and plant microphones. But seeing as how I'm one of those people who cherish their privacy and just want the gubbermint to be left alone, well, it just seems to Big Brother.

I'm also one of those people who followed the requirements of our U.S. Constitution in 2010 and just completed the census with how many people live at this address. Yes, we were stalked by census takers (who earlier that spring walked right up to our door and took GPS coordinates) but eventually they went away.

So now I'm going to be one of those people who don't respond. My research has found that about 3% of people do not respond to these unConstitutional and no one, to date, has been fined (between $100 and $100 per uncompleted question - the jury is out) or jailed. Yet. You see, the government wants to be friendly because they take this information you provide and sell it to Target and other corporations.

My research has also indicated that I should expect to be hounded by phone calls at all hours as well has multiple personal visits and possible threats of the fines and jail time for failing to complete the form. However if I complete the form I should still expect someone to stop by to verify the information in case I'm lying about having running water, the year my house was built, and what I pay each month for my mortgage. All questions on the census.

It's been less than one week since the census was received and just yesterday I received a post card reminding me to complete the survey. I should expect one further regular mailing of this meaty survey (I have no idea what it costs the gubbermint to print this, probably $50 thought it would cost a regular business about $2) and then one more survey, this time sent by FedEx. Why not USPS where you sign for it? Anyway, then come the phone calls and personal visits for 30 days and then they move on to the next goobers.

I've written my Congressman and both Senators stating my position and then asking if there is anything they can do to spare me the 30 days of harassment but so far none of them have responded.

I shall keep you updated, possibly with video of the personal visits!

Music Review - Alice Cooper - Alice Cooper Goes To Hell

Hoffometer: 9

Alice Cooper Goes To Hell was the sequel to the very popular first solo album by Alice Cooper-the man as opposed to Alice Cooper-the band. Of course when I picked this album up in the early 80s it was out of order and I didn’t consider its chronological importance. For that end I’ll only say that this was an attempt to repeat the success of Welcome To My Nightmare, intentionally using the same musicians and stylistic variety.

And you know what? It works just as well as a sequel as a standalone.
The title track is a mid-tempo rocker with plenty of instrumental passages to be used as a playground when played live, giving Alice a chance to slay some costumed beast of the week. The masterful part is that these bits add to, instead of distract from, the overall flow of the song. Alice has always stated that despite the controversy that surrounded him he always portrayed clear cut morality. The song is a Greek Chorus of sorts that condemns Alice for his actions (“Making us doubt our parent’s authority” and “You’d even feed a diabetic a candy cane”), serving as a story prelude to the rest of the album. “You Gotta Dance” is light, even including flutes. Pay no attention to the disco beat (or that Alice completely rehashed the theme of this song in “Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever” on his Welcome to My Nightmare 2 album. It’s the weakest song on the album but the torture only lasts 2:45. The devil himself sings about himself in “I’m The Coolest”, a slow simmer of a song with jazzy drums (compare the style to “Some Folks” from the original Nightmare.) “Didn’t We Meet” is the first killer song, at least for the teenage me whose heart was packed with emotions needing an outlet. Part love song, part hard rock song, I’m still not sure what the song is about but when Cooper sings “Didn’t we meet / In the night in my sleep / Somewhere?” with such earnest yearning, well, how could my tender self not indulge? Just as Nightmare had “Only Women Bleed” so did this album need a ballad for radio. What we get is “I Never Cry,” a song which is vastly superior to “Women” with such lines as “I may be lonely / But I’m never alone” and “Just a heartache that got caught in my eye.” When the chorus brightens from the soft acoustic guitar into vibes and rich vocals it’s pure sugar. Yes, a bit syrupy hey, it’s good syrup (pure sugar, no corn syrup).

“Give The Kid A Break” finds Alice singing from hell in the first person with “Don’t know why I’m down here / Must be something I said / Or some small imperfection / In my soul or in my head.” The music is 50s influenced classic rock with lots of piano and fairly nice at that. Eventually he is answered by the devil himself and the two have a humorous conversation before Alice is abandoned by the Greek Chorus, again a trick used in Nightmare 2 (“I Gotta Get Outta Here”). “Guilty” is an auto-biographical hard rocker (nearly metal) with a very catchy chorus. And it’s an honest assessment of his standing before God, which is more than most people give. “Wake Me Gently” begins with a pretty passage played on Spanish guitar, blossoming into another gushy ballad that hit hard with the teenage me. Now that he’s in Hell Alice looks back on a life of lost opportunities and regret (“This dreams a novel / That I don’t dare complete / No happy endings read / I think the heroes dead.”) When the strings sweep in for a dramatic instrumental passage, well, it’s pure emotional manipulation but done so amazingly well you won’t stand a chance. “Wish You Were Here” breaks up the dream with heavy guitar set to a rompy/disco beat and the kind of chorus destined to remain in your head for a good long while, ending with some solid guitar solos. “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows” is the classic bar song with Alice singing to a piano before everyone jumps into the pool for a big weepy singalong that heads to the finale, “Going Home,” a song which breaks my heart even now. Here Alice bares his lost soul, absolutely nailing the innate longing we all have that somewhere there is a better place. The song itself is big and dramatic with flutes and strings and timpani and horns, gushing all over itself with a killer melody that never goes over the line into camp. The lyrics capture the state of the fleeting nature of fame in that even at the height of his career he wonders “How many said / “I wonder what happened to Alice?” / How many shrugged or laughed? / How many cried?” Instead of fame and fortune he wants to be off the road, “To my own room / To all the mess / To all the dirty laundry / It looks so good, I don’t care / I’m just so glad to be back / Home sweet home.”

Rank: Essential Cooper

Music Review - School's Out - Alice Cooper (band)

This is the first of what I hope to be a series of reviews of cherished albums that I didn’t get to review professionally either because A) I found out about them too late after their release to review them, B) They were released before I started reviewing or C) insert lame joke here.

First up to bat is School’s Out by the Alice Cooper band. Unless you live in a remote corner of Idaho you’ve heard the title track many many many many times. It’s a good song but it does get a bit tired after the hundredth hearing. However it’s got lots of youthful energy and an amazing bass line. When I first heard this album I didn’t care much for it… too jazzy. Jazzy? Alice Cooper? Yes indeedy! This album, while hard rocking, also jumps all over the place stylistically. Though I’ve never been one to shy away from differing styles I just didn’t take a shine to this album for the first few years. And then I started to play the bass guitar and realized that School’s Out is a FORGOTTEN BASS MASTERWORK! I’d read that by this time in their career they were all drinking a lot and possibly doing drugs but Dennis Dunaway had to be completely sober to pull off the amazing bass parts on this album. It’s not that they’re especially tricky (though they may be) it’s that they are central to each song and astoundingly inventive.

“Luney Tune” is the track which follows the famous title track and that bass is a spongy slithering bouncy beast. The freaky song starts out spooky, then has a brief western-like interlude followed by sweeping strings before heading back to an extended instrumental outro spiked by a violin solo. What?!??! “Gutter Cats Vs. The Jets” opens with solo bass for thirty seconds, laying down an impressive rhythm before skyrocketing into the atmosphere. Listening again I’m just continually struck at the inventiveness of the bass line. The song itself is based on West Side Story and goes through a number of parts in telling its tale, becoming quite progressive in its structure. Once again you may find yourself wondering, “This is Alice Cooper, right? “Got You Under My Wheels”, right?” “Street Fight” is fifty-three seconds of fight sounds over a repeating bass figure. So as not to break the trend “Blue Turk” opens with a gritty bass line soon augmented by drums and electric keyboard and jazzy guitars. Heck, the whole song is jazzy! The subject matter is classic creepy-Cooper, a prelude to “Cold Ethyl” but I dare you to keep that chorus out of your head. Did I mention this song has a muted trumpet and un-muted saxophone, each of which get a chance to solo while the rest of the band jams around jazz-wize? I’m no expert on jazz, heck, I’m not even a dabbler in jazz, but this sounds authentic to me, making me wonder if the band was replaced by old geezers.

Side two. “My Stars” rips to life with long running arpeggios played on the piano. When did they start to play the piano!?!? I’m guessing it was their producer, Bob Ezrin. Anyway, the song completely rocks, leading the way to “Public Animal #9”. “Me and Jimmy, we ain’t never gonna con-fess / We cheated at the math test / We carved some dirty words in our desk / And now it’s time for recess.” The song itself is jazz-rock with a nice swagger but has the misfortune of ending with Cooper hoarsely shouting out the title of the song over and over, the albums only semi-weak point. It gets a bit thin is all I’m saying. A rumble of thunder introduces “Alma Mater”, a soft, sad song with lyrics of “Rain is falling down my check/ Searching for the sea.” Sniff. The song is a heartfelt longing for the “good times” of high school, even mentioning their alma matter by name. About halfway through the drums kick in and the band brings a joyous feel to the song with lyrics of “I finally grew up / They finally let me outta school” while a western guitar part evokes images of the Arizona desert. As the song ramps up to a rocking finale Alice amazingly captures the mixed feelings of the recently graduated who has no life plans. “Maybe I’ll see you around sometime, huh?” and “I hope you don’t forget me or nothin’.” Good stuff! The final track is a 4:25 instrumental packed with horns and synths and strings, plus the usual rock instruments, a true rock orchestra.

School’s Out is a classic and their third under producer Bob Ezrin. I really can’t emphasize enough the importance of a strong producer correctly matched with the band. For exhibit A I point to the first two Alice Cooper albums under Frank Zappa. I think he just put them in the studio and hit the record button. They were creative but without focus. Messy messy messy! Ezrin was brought in when they switched labels and it was a perfect match. Not only did he sharpen their musical energies with forced practice and re-writing of songs but he added his own theatrical background and creative touches, making the band into the juggernaught of the early 70s.

Rank: Essential Cooper

How To Cook With A Microwave Oven

Cooking with a microwave seems like a pretty mindless topic, right? Put the food in, enter the time to cook, push start, and endure the torturous ninety seconds it takes to turn the outside of your food into lava-hot rubber while leaving the inside cold.

Take that vegetable peeler away from your wrist... there's a better way!

The way microwaves cook is by exciting water and sugar molecules. These in turn vibrate and heat up the non-water and sugar molecules around them.

The problem comes when you try to heat these molecules past their limit by not giving them a chance to pass their heat to the other molecules. It's called sharing or convection or something. What happens is that these molecules get overloaded with heat energy and then burn, or in this case turn to rubber. It's like cooking eggs on the range top with the burner cranked all the way or a cake in an oven set to 500 (Fahrenheit, not therms). Bad things will happen when you try this blowtorch cooking method.

That's why microwave ovens have this great thing called a "Power" button. Cook your food for twice as long at 50% power and not only will the middle get warmed but the texture of your vittles will remain intact. Sure it will take twice as long but three unattended minutes in the microwave is still faster than five minutes on the stove where you have to stay in the same room and stir occassionally.