Thursday, April 11, 2019

Wind and Wave

If not for disappointments I wouldn’t have any appointments
-They Might Be Giants-

I’m just putting this out here because I need to get it out. I would say that I’m more amused at the consistency of my failed attempts at forging friendships than I am depressed. I keep trying, get beat up, give up, and try again. Here’s the latest:

It started on Monday. Last fall I put an ad in Craigslist about forming a dad band, or rather just trying to find some similarly-aged Christian men who would want to get together and play music every month or so. It took three months but eventually this time one of the responders had a setup in his basement. We’ve gotten together three times, with the second Monday of the month being the designated day. So far there isn’t a lot of gelling or common ground musically but it’s been good for me to be out of the house and to be around other guys. However this past Monday the host had to cancel this months meeting because he was getting new windows and his house is a wreck. Disappointment.

The second and bigger issue is a men’s Bible study I’ve been attending since the beginning of the year. My kids go to a different churches Wednesday night kids ministry (because our “church” is lame-o) and I decided to crash the Bible study that was going on at the same time. I don’t go to that church and didn’t know anyone there buy hey, why not? So I’ve been going and it’s been pretty good, at times bordering on great. Although I’m sure it’s all in my imagination but it seemed like three weeks ago there was a breakthrough, with guys admitting they didn’t have friends and one or two even admitting that the reason they were there was to find friends. So I dared to be hopeful, even though it seemed to me that these guys “who had no friends” sure seemed to be talking a lot to other guys in the group as if they were friends. Still… The following week was a Kids Club skating party but the mens group was still going to meet, for those without small kids. My kids wanted to go skating and then backed out too late for me to attend. Then the following week was Spring Break so no one met.

Which brings me to this week. I was cautiously hopeful that some of that honesty would persist after three weeks and was looking forward to once again being in a room of guys. We even got to the church early, which almost never happens. So I get the kids registered and go to drop off my youngest, who is four. What? Didn’t you know that tonight is their big Easter Kids Club celebration and that parents of kids five and under were to stay with their kids because there were activities that the parents had to help with. Oh. So I guess that means no Bible study for me. Serves me right for actually being foolish enough to anticipate something. But we had fun and I’m sure it’s a memory I’ll carry with me until my memory fails, which will probably be next August.

While waiting in the hall to enter the room of yonder event another guy from the Bible study lined up with his kids. Why not? So I made small talk and asked him about his spring break. He was friendly and we had a nice, brief chat but it was one sided. Then they opened up the room and my daughter wanted to sit at a table with a young girl her age. Sure, why not. I tried to talk to the dad but they didn’t go to the church and he wanted nothing to do with me. I’m used to that. At the table right next to us was the dad I had talked to in the hallway and two more dads from the Bible study and their kids, including one guy who homeschools but has less than zero interest in talking to me. I tried a little to be a part of their conversation, seeing as it was right next to us, but they were all into each other and so I gave up. Strike out! I'm sensing a common denominator in all these failures and it's me.

Now I’m back to ennui. I’ll go to few the remaining Bible studies before summer break but I’m not hopeful. And I probably won’t go back next fall. I’ll have tried to join their club for ten or twelve times by that point and I’m not one to keep beating my head against a brick wall. But who knows… probably by the time fall rolls around I might be willing to risk another round of rejection and will try again.

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