Monday, April 27, 2009

Sugar 'N' Yeast

All the female members in my household, save Tessa, are on a food regimine to reduce unhealthy yeast overgrowth that can occur when a body is subjected to more than one dose of antibiotics per year. I should probably also do the program but I'm lazy.

As part of the program you reduce sugar for four weeks. Originally we thought it was eliminate sugar for four weeks but fortunately we were wrong. This is supposed to include sugar substitutes and corn sweeteners and fruit juices.

In an attempt to be all scientific about it we did a little test. However we weren't "high school science project" scientific in that I didn't measure out the amount of water for each sample and warm each to a specific temperature. We did have a control of just water and I did measure out 1/4 tsp yeast per test and let each sit for 15 minutes. I of course was wearing goggles, rubber gloves, spandex, and moon boots. You know, the usual scientific gear.

THE CONTROL: Note the absence of yeasty growth and smell. Also note the clean counter top which I photoshopped in.

SUGAR: If you could have only been here. Foamy like root beer but with a rich, tangy smell. If you want to grow yourself some yeast this is the stuff to use.

STEVIA EXTRACT: A sweet herbal extract that is great for those who really love sweet herbal things. No detectable yeast growth.

HONEY: Very slight yeast growth but not exactly something I'd like to drink.

MAPLE SYRUP: More growth than honey, that's for certain. However when you know that they boil down forty or so gallons of tree sap to make one gallon on syrup, well, it's gotta be concentrated goodness!

ORANGE JUICE: Another big winner is orange juice. At first you think "Why no juice but it's okay to eat fruit?" Well, here's why. Grow little yeasties, grow!

So how about that old favorite CORN SYRUP? Unfortunately I didn't have any of that mythical High Fructose Corn Syrup but I did my best to make pudding out of sour grapes. Or something like that. Pretty decent growth, dontja think? Contract and compare against orange juice at your leisure.

The only non-diet soda we had in the house was ORANGE SODA! Pretty dismal growth, at least for what one would expect. Maybe it would grow better in a name brand.

Now on to the artificial sweeteners! How do THEY make yeast grow? Well... kinda sorta. Here's the first: ALTERN! It's the Wal-mart version of Splenda. A nice and even growth but without the vertical growth potential of sugar.

Here's the official version of SPLENDA. Hmmm... even less growth despite the stuff being made in the same factories. I wonder if Walmart cuts their powdery white stuff with the real thing?

The last is WEETENER. Very minimal growth. I unfortunately didn't have any of those mysterious blue packets to test but I'm sure they would grow mutant yeasts! Maybe some day...

What have we learned? That SUGAR IS KING! Also that I've run out of funnies 'cause it's late and the kids really need to go to bed.


Elephantschild said...

o/ Pick me!

The Altern grew yeast because the "splenda" that is sold to measure cup-for-cup like sugar uses starch as a filler. (The brand name stuff does, too.) The yeast was using the starch in it as food.

The Splenda in the little packets doesn't use any filler to make up the volume.


Big Doofus said...

What does this have to do with monkey bars?

mike said...

Why am I up at 2 in the morning reading about yeast??

Uvulapie said...

It's what all the cool kids are doing...