Mark Twain In The Blood

I don't know why but about five years ago I started getting a hankerin' (yes, a bona fide hankerin') to take a boat on the river. I'd seen inflatable boats at sporting goods stores but it wasn't until I found one on ultra-super-mega sale at K-Mart #3254 right before Christmas that I knew it was my destiny.

But of course one can't boat on the river in Fort Wayne in December... that is unless you are crazy, and not like a fox. More like an otter. Which I am not.

So this spring I started shopping for life vests... cheaper than you would think (but three still cost more than my boat which came with delightfully plastic oars, no extra charge) and we were on our way! That is until the car-lighter pump that I bought in December decided that being made in China and a two-year warrenty that involves pre-paid postage and certification and insurance meant that it didn't have to work ifn' it didn't wanna.

One more purchase later (a manual double-chamber pump that only cost a little more than one life jacket but less than one super-ultra-mega-sale boat) and my sons and I were back in business. Of course finding the hidden road to edge almost got us rear ended but that's another story.

Out to the river went the three fine men to finally inflate our five man boat! Five wee little men. Five teeny weeny wittle men. I would have fit comfortably in it by myself, all stretched out-like. With all three of us sitting cross-legged, though, there was still ample room where we weren't on top of each other. Not a lot of room to move around but still, not so close that kicking and bickering ensued. Had one more biped wanted to join us, however, and there would have been mutiny.

It was a delightful time! The sun was bright but not too hot, the bugs were away at a conference in Muncie, and I even got to give my pectoral muscles, abs and shoulders some beefing up.

A few days later it was time to take the girls out for a row (a boat trip, not an argument, silly). This time I was more confident... I was an old salt of the sea and I even knew how to use the pump correctly so the boat inflated in half the time! More sun, more ducks, more duck feathers on the water, more bugs at conventions (I think this time it was a government sponsored clinic on the best places to bite). Good times.

On the river you get to see things like this
<---- which look just like they do from shore, only closer. Both trips somehow managed to avoid the river monster that lives by the shore and not once did the boat get popped by underwater sticks or water snakes with Ginsu knives in their snakey mouths.

The girls encouraged me to go under the Coliseum Blvd bridges and what did we find there but...

A GRUMPY OL' TROLL!

Just kiddin'! A good time was had by all and Neil Carr gave a brief Bible message.

I'm sure this summer will involve many more excursions, possibly with picnic baskets and bug repellant and fine cheeses but I'm hopeful that one of these days I'll manage to slip off for a solo adventure. The river is great with kids asking a zeeellion questions non-stop and all but I have this feeling it could be really peaceful out there, just a man and his super-cheap boat.