Humans... Who Needs 'Em?

It's been one month since I wrote Thoughts ? entry and things have been pretty level emotionally. In at least the last week (about the extent of my memory) I haven't had much more than a few minor short-term dips into the blues. Which is to say that I'm at a point (for at least the next five minutes) where I'm not yearning for a male friend and depressed that I have no friends or life outside of work and home (which usually involves lots of chores and taking the kids to the park again or sitting on the porch making sure they don't hurl themselves into oncoming traffic by my very presence.) All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and I certainly feel very dull.

So let's take a look at the "male friend" thing when I'm at least a 5, possibly a 6, on the Depression-to-Joy scale instead of writing when I'm down like I usually do.

Recently I was talking to a co-worker who was bemoaning the fact that he doesn't go out to lunch with people often. Now I've seen this guy go out more times in a month than I do in a year but whatever. So I made the first move and asked if he wanted to go to lunch sometime. And we did. I actually had a social event! However the lunch was 95% him talking with me interjecting a few tidbits now and then. Unfortunately that's what my wife and I have found when we spend time with other humans, that mostly it involves us listening while the other person purges themselves and not showing any interest in our lives. We might as well be mannequins who nod now and then and say "Yep." Which makes us feel like we've wasted our time and is draining instead of being a positive experience.

And while close friendships with any of the guys at church does not appear to ever be forthcoming, there's at least surface level banter. Which is to say that I'm not actively ignored like I have been at some other (ahem, Baptist) churches. Sure, I'm the one who approaches the other guy for small talk nearly all of the time but I don't get the feeling that he's anxious to get away from me. For the most part, that hour or so a week fulfills this introverts need for non-family social interaction.

Would I like a real friendship? Or perhaps someone to play guitars with? Certainly! But these are things for which I no longer hold out hope. And by not holding out hope they don't have the ability to hurt me.