Monday, December 3, 2018

Tim Chandler and His Bands

Tim Chandler passed away almost two months ago. One of the admittedly selfish but immediate thoughts at learning of his death was “What does this mean for the music of The Choir and Daniel Amos?” Here are my thoughts on the issue. 

Let’s look at The Choir first. I’ve gone into at length elsewhere how The Choir was instrumental in my early Christian walk, allowing me to see that I wasn’t alone in being imperfect and giving me lyrics deep enough to cause one to chew on them a bit. However here I’m just going to lay it out with no sugar coating. The Choir haven’t put out a good album since 2005. There. I’ve said it. I write album reviews for a local publication and always enjoyed being able to toot the horn of my pet bands but for the past few albums I decided not to write a review of The Choir. I mean, it’s one thing to gush over a band few have heard of in the hopes that they might gain a few more fans but it accomplishes nothing to write a negative review. Tim and I had been friends for about twenty years and he would call me after each release to ask my opinion, telling me that he appreciated my honest thoughts. I would tell him that songs I liked and why as well as what I didn’t. Sometimes it seemed that the lyrics seemed trite (at least for a band founded on poetry) but often it was that the songs just weren’t very strong or that the music seemed a bit light. It seems to me that for the past ten years or so Derri and Steve have been trying to muzzle Tim’s manic playing, lowering it in the mix or not letting him play as extravagantly as he felt the song might need. Sure, I understand why. Steve and Derri had tasted some small bit of success in the larger Christian music world and wanted to appeal to a larger audience (and pay some bills… I have no problem with that). However Tim was still interested in making art, another foundation of this once seminal band. It’s was often Tim’s deranged bass lines that took a simple “silly love song” and added tension. Consider “Flap Your Wings.” Without all of Tim’s noise and sonic destruction it’s just a slightly interesting introduction song. Other times Tim would play notes outside of the key of a song, often subliminally adding interest. 

As further evidence of my theory is the recent acoustic version of Kissers and Killers. This was their most raucous, distorted album and Steve and Derri recently endeavored to make an acoustic version, stripping off all of the grit. Sure, it makes it easier to tour as a duo and gives an easy album release to sell, but it just feels to me like they’re trying to rewrite history. 

So even if Tim was still alive, how much effect would he had been allowed to have on their next album? The horrible answer is that Tim wasn’t even officially a member of the band when he died. In very early July Tim called me because he had been kicked out of the band by Steve via text message. Tim was more incredulous than anything. There had been no meeting, no discussion, just a text message. Apparently Tim’s ex-wife said something that the source could only have been Steve so Tim called him out on it. Shortly thereafter, Tim was out. I don’t know more than that, though I have some speculations, and admittedly I only have one side of the story. I called Tim a month later to see how things were. This was the last time I ever talked to him. He and Steve and Derri and Dan were on friendly terms but he was not back in the band and Robin was going to play the gig in the fall. Who knows if the fences would have been mended by the recording of the next album so that Tim would even be playing on it?

Tim had expressed his frustration to me on a couple of events during the recording of Bloodshot and how the band wasn’t really reaching for the brass ring anymore. I remember him saying “There was a reason why I never jumped in the air and landed on my back with The Choir.” But he did do so with Daniel Amos. 

I have less insights into Daniel Amos, mostly because they are not as active as The Choir so Tim didn’t talk as much about them. But what he did say was always positive, both about the music and the other members. I fear that the passing of Tim, however, means that Daniel Amos has also died. They have put out two albums in the past twenty years (one was a double album so let’s call that three) plus a Swirling Eddies release. Tim had been a member of DA since album number five and was an integral part of their sound. According to Terry, Tim pushed him to be more adventurous musically. If you’ve heard any of Terry’s Patreon recordings it’s easy to see that this is true. But to be fair, it’s true for everyone. What makes bands interesting are the blends of influences. Take one person out of the band as a solo artist and usually it’s pretty bland. The best example of this I heard was the Beatles song “Getting Better.” It’s a cheery McCartney song but Lennon adds just one line: “It couldn’t get much worse.” This one humorous, pessimistic line takes what would have been a saccharine ditty and makes it great. 

So would Daniel Amos have made another album? There was always talk of doing another one. The fans were certainly there with their wallets open. My guess is that they probably would have done one more album before Terry or Ed got too old or had health issues. I mean, Terry is only sixty-eight but in his Patreon videos he doesn’t look overly robust. I know that might be taken as unkind, but the man is definitely slowing down and that’s okay. That’s normal. 

That’s about all I have. I’ve had this blogpost rolling around in my head for quite a while and just had to get it out.

Monday, November 19, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #25: Bacontastic Burger and BBQ Bacon Cheese Fries

It's been a while, eh? However when Rally's puts up a sign that says "BACON FOR DAYS" I'm a moth to the flame.

Here's the Bacontastic Burger in all it's gloopy glory. A couple of strips -o- bacon and some bits of bacon and some cheese gloop AND a slice of cheese. What's not to love? Flavor-wise it's good but not mind blowing. The cheese goop is the problem... more goop than cheese.

And now... the end of the story.

Look at them. The BBQ Bacon Cheese Fries. They look good, don't they? And they tasted good. Going down. Not so good coming up. Four times.

You see, I went to Rally's during their off-peak time of freshness, approximately 2 PM. The employees are much less stressed than during the noon-time rush, when I normally visit. Apparently they are so relaxed that they don't care about washing their hands after using the restroom. I have a vague memory of having an upset tummy after visiting this same Rallys during off-peak hours in the past year but it was just that. This time was totally different.

I ate the burger on my walk back to work. The burger and the demonic fries have about the same ingredients so in all honesty it could have been either. But I blame the fries because as soon as I ate them they felt like a ball of goo in my stomach. And I knew I was in for some trouble. My body reacts quickly to food poisoning so within an hour I was starting to sweat and I visited the closest private restroom a couple of times, once even trying to make myself purge, something I've never done before. No luck. I was in this for the long haul. My fitbit tracker tells the story of my evening:

A is me walking willingly to my doom.
B is me walking as quickly to my car so that I could get home and lay down. In between A and B are the trips to the restroom, wondering when or if the horror would begin.
C, D, E and F and those horrors.

I'm still not sure exactly what item could have gone bad so quickly. These cheese sauce is an easy fall guy, but it was likely heated in a closed can with a pump. Which leaves the bacon. BACON! How could you turn against me, dear friend?

Which is all to say that I'm done with the Rally's Eat-It-All Series. There have been good times but now it must end. I will likely go back in the spring for their frozen deserts but certainly never again will I buy hot food from them after 1:00 PM.

Friday, October 26, 2018

Master of None

This morning while driving to work the song “Butterfly” by The Choir came up on shuffle play and I immediately broke down in tears. This is one of the songs I consider to be a classic example of Tim Chandler’s style, with groaning swells and playful sliding in the instrumental section. The reason for the tears is that Tim Chandler passed away about two weeks ago and he will never again grace the world with new and exotic (yet still melodic) bass lines. But this post isn’t really about Tim’s passing, although it is related.

One of my daughters used to say that she wished she was really, really good at just one thing. My wife and I would argue that she is extremely talented at makeup (her own and friends who ask her to do their makeup for proms and photo shoots) but she denies it. Tim was an incredibly gifted musician, a man whose unique style should have elevated his name to that of Flea and Claypool (that is, if the world even knew what a bass player does, which in this case Tim often colored waaaaay outside of the lines). If there was one thing that Tim did well, it was music related.

In the past couple of days this started me thinking about myself. Is there anything I do really well? It would be fantastic if I could say that yes, I Kickapoo at my job but in reality, I’m a solid B player. There are a couple of A players on my team, including one guy who just received an employee of the quarter award for the second time in three years… out of a company of thousands. He’s now my arch-nemesis. My strength comes in creative solutions and while I started at this company when it was quite young, it’s since been bought out and most of the problems have been solved. And so I maintain data instead.

In mentioning this to my wife she stated that I’m good at woodworking and music, but I disagree. I’m capable at both (well, capable at woodworking and merely mediocre at music) but excel in neither. I can “get the job done” in both but I wouldn’t say that either of them is elevated to a level of fine craftsmanship. Which is pretty much my problem… the stereotypical “jack of all trades and master of none.” Perhaps hundreds of years ago I would have been a tinker, that guy driving from town to town in his wagon full of junk, fixing things just well enough so that there would be work for me again the next time I came to town. Or in the 1950s I think I would have been an excellent special effects guy, in a time when there were no rulebooks and you had to mix art with science and one guy had to do a little bit of everything. Or maybe I should have been a Jim Henson muppeteer. I’ve often found myself drawn to the world of puppets, although maybe this thought is because I just finished reading a book on the creation and history of Sesame Street.

My wife also mentioned writing and this is a tough one to gauge. Like music, I write because I have to*. I’ve been “coming up with content” ever since I learned to read and write. But how would I know if I’m decent at it? I’ve submitted a few of my stories for publication and all have been rejected. Sure, tales abound of some famous author who had a now classic novel rejected by thirty publishers before it found a home but my skin is not that thick. Maybe it should be. Maybe 2019 is the year I take the small trove of stories that I’ve written and shop them around in earnest. The problem is that no one gets rich on short stories and I really need to get rich by the summer of 2019. Seriously.

I don't mean for all of this to sound like a downer. I've had worse times in my life by far. It's just something ruminating in the back of my mind as I get closer to age 50 and come to terms with "Yeah, this is probably it. I shouldn't expect any kind of massive upswings." To quote another dead musician, "It is what it is what it is."

* If I don’t have something that I’m working on, like writing or a song or a home project, then I feel unconnected and of low worth. Yes, I know I should probably see a professional and get this fixed.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

My Kids Need Friends

Within the past couple of years I've come to terms with the fact that God doesn't want me to have any Christian friends, or any friends* for that matter. I'm 47 and I've been praying and trying for a very long time and now I've given up. And I guess I'm okay with that. Really, what choice do I have?

The hard part is seeing your kids face rejection on the same front. Sure, I know I'm some kind of freak that causes normal people to feel uncomfortable**, but you want more for your kids. Thankfully God has blessed me with a wife from the same planet as me, though apparently from a different continent. My kids don't even have that. Many are the times that my wife and I have said that we wished we could just be "normal" and blend in with the people who spend all day golfing on Saturdays or hang out at tailgate parties or "get sports" or binge watch whatever is the latest hot show on Netflix. But it's not to be. And so we hope with each child that they may somehow break the curse and be blessed with friends.

But those apples fall close to the trees and such a genetic mutation is something Darwin could only dare dream about. Our kids are like us. Dorks. That don't fit in. The way I figure it, you've got the 40% of "normals" who all follow the same trends and do the same things, Christian or otherwise. I'm not knocking them. Like I said, many times I've wished I could just not care about things and just blend in. But even though there are more nerd/dorks/dweebs than normals they are fractured. There are the Star Wars geeks and the Star Trek geeks and the Dr. Who geeks. There are the music nerds who like jam bands like Phish and the Grateful Dead. And then there are the people who like Dave Matthews band, but I really think these are just normals. There are the Rush prog-rock fans and the (name your poison) prog rock fan. And ne'ver the two shall meet. Good luck finding someone similar in THAT mess!

We've been praying for years that God would give each of our children one good Christian friend. Just one. It's not like we're asking for them to have expensive sports cars or great hair. Just one Christian friend to encourage them and help them grow. Iron sharpens iron and that kind of thing. I mean, it's ultimately for HIS glory! All I'm asking is for another coal to be next to theirs so their passion isn't extinguished. But apparently God has so far reviewed our requests, flipped us the bird and said "Request denied, you dork. I only grant the prayers of normals." It's a bitter pill to swallow but I see no evidence to the contrary. This doesn't give me much hope that God's listening to our prayers for their future spouses.

* Meaning friends that I can call up and/or hang out with. I guess I'm pretty sucky at hanging out. I'm more of a "project" relationship person. I have a couple of cyber friends but no one closer than 100+ miles away.***

** And when I try to be normal I just become boring instead, mostly to myself.

*** As if this needed a punctuation mark, yesterday Tim Chandler, one of my very best long-distance friends, passed away. Tim or I would call each other every few months and he always made me laugh and feel loved. Now he's gone too.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

This Too Didn't Pass Two

If you read this bloggy post and the updates you'll know that I bought the lavender Danelectro DC 59 but that it had a slight neck bend. After my original fix I had to lower two of the nut slots even more to make it in tune, which made one of the strings quite low. Playing it in my usual position (sitting on the floor of my basement, as is my want), the top horn would poke into my less-than manly chest. It still sounded great, though.

And then...

This past summer there was a Craigslist ad for a plum Mod 6 for $450. It ran for a good long while and I considered calling the guy up to see if I could come play it but I didn't want to waste his time. When it comes to electric guitar, I'm not even close to being qualified to play a $450 guitar, especially one that often goes for $600 on eBay due to it's rarity. Then the Craigslist ad went away and I settled for the $150 DC 59. And the boy was happy.

But not really.

Okay, I really was happy. I liked the DC59 plenty but it wasn't exactly a great player. And then a co-worker told me that the Craigslist ad came back. FOR $300!!! I am EXACTLY a $300 guitar player! The very next day, over my lunch, I met with the guy, gave the guitar an all-too quick look over, and handed over a wad of twenties.

Here it is! It's like a piece of modern art! After I spent an hour carefully cleaning everything (and spraying copious amounts of electronic contact cleaner into the switches to make them work reliably) it looks even better than in the picture (less dark, more sparkly). Even better, it plays like a dream and doesn't poke me in the chest!

So there I was with two Danelectro guitars in the house and only money for one. Fortunately Guitar Center has a 45 day return policy, even on used guitars! I couldn't believe it! It went back in a flash. The crazy thing is that if the guitar had been shipped on time I would have just missed the 45 day window. I'd say that was God giving me a tickle, which I need because right now I'm spiritually in cruise control. It just seems like nothing is happening and any prayers I toss up hit a lead ceiling. So this was a nice touch that He didn't have to do, a kind of "Hey kid, I'm watching out for you." Thanks, generous Diety!

Friday, September 28, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Review : The Dash-In

The Dash-In has been around for at least twenty years. They sell over-priced sammiches at lunch and host live music in the evenings. You're almost guaranteed to see a hipster or two inside wearing flannel*. A full order of biscuits and gravy is a whopping eight bucks so I broke my own rule and just ordered a halfsie for a still whopping $4. And then I waited.

And waited.

And waited some more. It took twelve minutes before my food arrived and that place was NOT busy. There were other patrons, sure, but the place was far from capacity. I suppose one could Dash-In but you aren't going to be Dashing-Out any time soon.

When they finally brought my vittles this is what I got. Pretty, yes? The green onions are a nice touch, giving a nice zing of flavor when you chance upon one. That's about the only positive thing I can say. The biscuit, while large and homemade, had not been warmed. It tasted okay, though, and had a good non-gummy consistency. Slap some butter on it and throw it on the grill and it might have been the bomb-diggity.

As for the gravy, well, maybe my order had sat for a while waiting to be delivered to my table but it was barely past the warm stage. I think I had one bite that could be characterized as "hot." The meat was of a decent amount but it was pink/grey and had a strange texture. Maybe, being a hipster place, it was free-range goat meat. For as cold as it was I'm surprised that the gravy was not gelatinous, but it had an okay flavor with just a hint of spice. It was skimpy in volume, although I was able to make it stretch for the whole meal. Overall it was a disappointing experience and I'm glad I didn't throw away eight hard-earned dollars.

Biscuits - 4
Gravy - 4
Value - 3
Service - 2
GRAND TOTAL - 3.25

As far as I know this will be the last Biscuits and Gravy review, unless some other place downtown adds them to their menu. It's been a good, albeit brief, run.

So how are they ranked?

Arbys : 7.25
Comfort Food Cafe : 7.0
Cindy's Diner : 6.75
Revitalize Health Bar : 5.25
City View Cafe : 4.75
Dash-In : 3.25

That's a little embarrassing... a fast food place won. Keep in mind that this ranking includes service and value. But what if I was rich and had ample time and ranked them based on just the food?

Cindy's Diner : 6.5
City View Cafe : 6.0
Arbys : 6.0
Comfort Food Cafe : 5.5
Revitalize Health Bar : 4.5
Dash-In : 4.0

That's a bit better. I've actually had a hankerin' for more B&G from City View and Comfort Food Cafe**, which in my mind speaks volumes for the quality of their food.

* Back in the late 90s, before there were hipsters, you would see guys wearing flannel shirts and whatever else was trendy with grunge fans. I guess they were hipsters before hipsters became hip.

** Until I went back and looked a the vomitous picture of Comfort Foods Barfcuits and Gravy. It really is somewhat off-putting.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Review : Revitalize Health Bar

The Revitalize Health Bar is a very small cafe located on the ground floor of an office building. There's no seating in the cafe but you can sit at a table in the building lobby or outside, if you so desire. They normally serve smoothies and gluten free toast with almond butter but in the morning one can also get an order of biscuits and gravy*. I wasn't sure what to expect from a place that uses wheat grass in their food... Healthy biscuits and gravy?!?

The services was very quick! I placed my order, two biscuits were popped into the microwave for what seemed like ten seconds, and then they were topped with what looked like too little gravy. They were done preparing my food before the credit card machine approved my purchase! The cost was $4.95... no tax?

I'll start by saying that this isn't health food. There was no sprinkling of bean sprouts, no gluten free biscuits, no soy-based meat alternative. Nope. This is your basic, standard, no-frills biscuits and gravy. I have no idea why they serve them except there must be in demand**.

The biscuits were not homemade and were gummy. Definitely sub-par. The gravy, however, was good. It had a nice consistency, didn't gum up before I was done eating, and was actually just plentiful enough to last (although there could have always been more). There was an adequate amount of non-crisped sausage and it was in small enough pieces as to be non-obtrusive, adding a nice flavor. I wouldn't say the gravy was packed with flavor, though. It was just, well, adequate. I doubt it was made from scratch but it didn't have a goopy "I'M FROM A CAN" consistency.

Biscuits - 3
Gravy - 6
Value - 5
Service - 7
GRAND TOTAL - 5.25

All in all, these are an amazingly average serving. Nothing stands out, nothing really detracts.

* Except in the summer months. Apparently healthy eaters don't eat B&G during the summer.

** Except in the summer months. Apparently healthy eaters don't eat B&G during the summer.

Friday, August 17, 2018

This Too Didn't Pass

Well, I made the plunge.

It's probably been a full year that I've been yearning for a twangy guitar. I thought about building a telecaster for $110 (plus another $200 in parts to make it a killer guitar). I looked and looked but didn't find any seafoam green paint, which is the color I really want. None at the hardware stores, none at the craft stores, none anywhere. But the thing is, I find the telecaster shape, while classic, to be boring.

Then an ad server served up a Talman 302PM, which has the telecaster pickup configuration but an updated but retro body shape. Nice. But I've already covered this. The ad server also served up the Peavy Riptide guitar which also has the telecaster pickup configuration. To me it looks too gumby, but it's growing on me. Especially the price of under $200 used.

In the end, though, I decided on a Danelectro. Not only are they twangy but people consider them quirky, a little bit off the beaten path. And although my job/life has beaten me into a boring shadow of the potentially interesting person I once was, I still feel a bit different from most of humanity. Plus some reviewers said that Danelectro guitars lend themselves to open chords and have a nice glassy tone. Since I'm more of a folk-open chord-strummer than I am a two or three string rock guitarist, it seems like the Danelectros were made for me.

But which model? They have some far out designs! The Wild Thing is truly a crazy thing. But it's just strange for strange sake. They have some other models that are boxy but I don't like boxy. So I decided on the classic DC 59. They started remaking these in 1998 or 1999 and the latest versions have a recessed bridge (for greater sustain) and New Old Stock pickups. New they go for $400 and if you're lucky you can find a used one for $250, although they normally sell for about $300. Plus they come in seafoam green!

Just when I thought I had things settled I was reminded about their Mod guitar, the first guitar shape that ever caught my eye. While I like the DC 59 it's a bit too, er, normal for me. It's too symmetrical. And DUDE, like, Jimmy Page played one on Kashmir. The Mod guitar, however, is asymmetrical and to me it's perfection. The problem is that they only made these for a couple of years and they are quite rare to find, especially the six string version. This is where I kick myself because for weeks there was a plum Mod 6 for sale on Craigslist just thirty minutes from home. However they wanted $450 for it. If I was only going to have one electric guitar in my life I could justify $450, given my current skill level. But not for guitar #3 so I never even drove over to play it and now it's gone. So I started checking the interwebs to see if a Mod would show up and their current price. It seems $400-$500 is the range, which is a bit too much.

And then it appeared on the Guitar Center site: a lavender DC 59 from 1999. For only $149! I called the store to ask a few questions about the guitar.

"Is the neck straight?"
"It's good."
"Are the frets worn?"
"They're good."

It went on like this. I really don't think they knew what they had and priced it too low. There was another lavender DC 59 on the same site from another store for $250. Now lavender isn't my top choice of color but it's better than black, white, or red. And this model was made in Korea, which is better than China. And the cord jack is on the face of the guitar instead of the side, which I don't care for. But hey, for $150 it's almost priced like a garage sale! How can I pass it up? So I called that store and it was a snafu getting it ordered. So I called the companies 800 number and they too had problems with their "draft" system. So I called the local store and they had problems but they took my information and said they would work on it and call me when the order went through. Which they did.

It's now been four business days since those calls and the site said three to five business days. Honestly I'm a bit skeptical that the guitar actually exists and that it's going to show up at my local Guitar Center. Will I get called today? Tomorrow? Who knows! Maybe never! Patience... who needs it?

Oh, and of course I found a clearance can of Pistachio paint at Walmart the day after I placed the order. Yes, I picked it up for $2. Who knows... maybe I'll need a project in a few years.

UPDATE It's now ten days since I ordered a guitar that was supposed to ship in 3-5 days. And still no guitar. Two days ago I called the local Guitar Center and they found something in their computers but still hadn't received the guitar and didn't have a tracking number for me. I was told that they would call the Laurel store in the morning when the manager was in and would call me back. They didn't call me back. So the next day I called them around 2:00 PM and after the usual story telling by me and they said that they would call the Laurel store and let me know what they found out. I said, "Nope. I'll call 'em myself."

I called and asked for a manager, told 'em my tale and he offered to look into it and call me back. I said I'd wait on hold. So I was on hold for about ten minutes and he came back on the line. "The guitar still shows as being in our inventory and I don't show that it was shipped out. Let me look at the security tapes and see what I can find out. You can wait on hold or I can call you back in about thirty minutes." This time I took him up on the offer.

True to his word, he called me back. Apparently on Monday when I ordered the guitar, the twin doofus team working the shift packed up the guitar into a Fender box but didn't label it or finish the job. The next morning an employee put this Fender box back into inventory/storage. The manager guy said that he would expedite the guitar to me and that I should have it on Friday. He also gave me a tracking number. I'm a bit more hopeful but I'll still believe it when I have the guitar in my hands.

UPDATE #2 I know you're all loosing sleep, wondering if I got the guitar. And yes, I did. There's a reason why it was $150. First off, Danelectro uses wide white tape for their decorative stripe and it was coming off the guitar at the neck joint. No biggie. I can replace it for around $10 if I'm so inclined. The guitar was covered with grime so the first thing I did was to clean it all down, using a toothbrush to get it all squeaky clean. Then I found that there was a problem with the intonation. I would tune the open strings but when I fretted a note it would be sharp. The culprit was the neck, a slight bow near the headstock. Just tighten the truss rod, right? Um... no truss rod. It turns out all I had to do was take a hack saw blade to the aluminum nut and lower the string grooves...ever...so...slightly. Now it stays in tune and has that lovely Danelectro chime! My only problem is that the pickguard is an eighth-inch thick and since none of my guitars have pick guard I'm used to digging the pick in really deep so I keep finding myself knocking up against the pick guard. I'm learning to modify my playing technique, which is probably something I should be doing anyway.

Friday, August 3, 2018

I Can't Believe I'm Writing This

I'm reading a Donald Westlake book that I might not finish.

There. I said it. I've read almost all of his books that were published before his death and enjoyed all of them. The only ones left are those published after his death, the ones written when he was just getting started, The Blackbird, Comfort Station, Transylvania Station and High Jinx. Oh, and the political thriller Ex Officio, the book I'm reading now. At almost 500 pages it's much longer than his usual books. It's also written by a single-use alias, Timothy J. Culver, and it's boring.

Yes, a Westlake book that is boring. From interviews I glean that Westlake wrote this book mostly for the money and it seems like even he is bored. I'm about halfway through and found two things that made me laugh... the man couldn't resist! At a bar where two of the main characters go the bathrooms bear the titles "Pointers" and "Setters." No, Rollo isn't the bartender. The other chuckle came from a reference to a production company named Coe-Stark. I hope this continues to at least give some redeeming quality to the text. Otherwise I'm sure I'll skim it just so I can be a completest.

UPDATE: No surprise, I read it. Yes, I skimmed a bit in the middle. I was bored and I suspect that so was Westlake. It got a little bit better near the end where there was a kind of "caper", and you could sense Westlake getting into writing these parts, but overall it was the first mediocre Westlake book I've read. He was probably young and he needed the money.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #24 : Chocolate Shake and Tropical Punch Kool-Aid Slushie

Summer is a great time for me to fill in the chinks of my Rallys Completeness Catalog because most of those chinks are frozen desserts. I didn't really WANT a slushie or a milk shake but, you know, I have to for the sake of this blog.

And I know what you're thinking: A milkshake AND a Slushie? Are you serious? Yes. Deadly so. Plus I'm an adult so if I want to spoil my appetite I know that another one will spring up shortly (thank you, Mr. Seinfeld).

Before I get started I should note that usually the world kicks you in the financial shin* but every now and then a small shard of sunshine breaks through. Like today. I got their 2 for $2 special, which in itself is a good deal. I got their Rallyburger mit Cheese and a small chocolate shake. BUT I had a coupon for a free slushie with a $2 purchase. KA-CHING! But then they got my order wrong and gave me the burger with a small fry, which they couldn't take back. So for $2.16 I got a burger, a small fry, a milk shake and a slushie. I felt bad asking for ketchup for the "their mistake" fries so I didn't, putting a few on my burger for an instant Fry Burger and saving the rest to munch on here at work. After my carb-nap, of course.

A video blog I saw months ago said that the Tropical Punch Slushie was hands down the best and I likes me some tropical punch. And yes, it was good. Quite good. It tasted just like Tropical Punch Kool-Aid. Weird, eh? There were some big, uncrunched ice pieces at the end of the drink but hey, it was free and I had fun spitting those chunks at woodland creatures**. Also their outside sign says they now have Grape Kool-Aid Slushie and I have one more coupon. SCORE!

Unlike the other ice cream products I've eaten from Rallys, this milkshake was not quick to melt. In fact upon receiving it I figured I'd better drink it first before it turned into a puddle of goo but found that it was unsuckably thick so I had to eat my other vittles first. It was good, like any milkshake can be bad*** and tasted very much like Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. Based on the striations and separations of the product my guess is that they just mix in some Hersheys into their vanilla milkshake and call it good. In any case, it was surprisingly thick and stayed frozen all the way to the yummy end.

* Like when one of your offspring leaves the outside hose on for a day or two and your waterbill pulls an extra twenty out of your pocket... and there's nothing you can do about it.

** Except I was in downtown Fort Wayne, which would make them urban creatures. And no, I didn't really spit ice at any critters. I've seen a couple of rabbits downtown but no squirrels or naked mole rats or anything.

*** Arby's infamous BBQ Beef Shake being the exception.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #23 : Funnel Cake Fries and Banana Split Shake

I know it really isn't a good excuse but I HAD A COUPON. It was for a free shake with a $2 purchase. How could I resist on these hot summer days?
For my shake I upgraded to the Banana Split milkshake for 79 cents. First of all, take a gander at that massive straw! It's almost big enough for a dime!!! Because I had a shake from this place that melted within minutes I drank this first. I was thinking (hoping?) it would be like a Banana Split Blizzard, forgetting that I was dealing with Rallys. If you took a Banana Split Blizzard, removed half the add-ins and replaced the good ice cream with uber-quick-melty-cream this is what you'd have. But hey, it was 79 cents and I got the surprise of the sewer-pipe-sized straw. I would have been ticked if I paid full price, though.

Maybe I would have liked the loaded funnel cake fries better if I ate them first but I knew I was against the clock with the shake. The picture is from about two minutes after being handed them through the window and they are already soggy. And visually unappetizing. Flavor-wise it was that classic funnel cake flavor but there was barely enough of the "loaded" part to go around. They had a spongy consistency, like they were made of foam. And they had a weird aftertaste. $2.50 or so for this sorry mess and I won't be getting them again, loaded or otherwise.

Monday, July 23, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Review : Arbys

Of all the biscuits and gravy varieties in the world the one I've eaten the most is from Arby's. It's fast, cheap, and filling. The negative side, as far as this series is concerned, is that I've also had the opportunity to have it served poorly on more than one occasion. Tough biscuits. Salty gravy. No sausage. "Sorry sir but we are all out of that right now." WHAT?!!?! But this review will focus on the serving just inhaled from the downtown Fort Wayne location which is very typical of what one generally receives.

There it is... the double order. Also known as the 11:00 AM snoozer! You get two big biscuits that are not as generic as the food service biscuits but are fairly characterless. But they're big and not gummy. The gravy is plentiful (four ladles of the stuff), not goopy, not very peppery, not, not, not. Surely it is made by mixing a powder with hot water. The sausage is sliced up patties with hard edges that are slightly offensive to my palate. Not the taste but the shape. I mean, sausage is round bits, not cubes... can I get an Amen? Best of all there was just enough gravy to last the entire meal.

It was served up quickly and at only $2.99 (plus tax) it's a great deal. I'm going to be a bit embarrassed if Arby's wins this competition based on value and service. Maybe I should go back and weight the numbers because it I'm looking at just the food, Arby's biscuits and gravy is merely "okay." But here's the stats:

Biscuits - 6
Gravy - 6
Value - 9
Service - 8
GRAND TOTAL - 7.25

Friday, July 6, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #22: Crispy Mushroom Steak Burger & Apple Pie Stacker

I gotta admit... when I first heard the name I was apprehensive about this one. I'm not a huge fan of mushrooms and when I do eat them they're soft, squishy things. Not crispy.

It's not much to look at but WOW! What a mouthful of flavor! This is one delicious, savory burger! A bit on the salty side, which may have added to it's enjoyment. The one problem was the steak bits. They were overcooked and TOUGH! I went mid-afternoon instead of over lunch (my lunch was insufficient) so quite likely they had dried out while waiting for me. I'll very likely get this one again but will go closer to noon.

And likewise while I'm a fan of pie in general apple isn't on the top of my list. I overheard one employee telling another how to make this so I'll let you in on the recipe: Caramel, ice cream, more caramel and then they stick a whole cinnamon covered apple pie into it. It tasted amazing, like pie a la mode. My only problem is that I ate the sandwich first and even though it was not even 80s degrees by the time I got to the stacker the ice cream was completely melted. We're talking less than five minutes from frozen to soup which indicates how much of the ice cream is actually air at this establishment. I ended up drinking a bit of it with bits of the apple pie so all's well that ends well.

UPDATE: I had another Crispy Mushroom Steakburger. The "steak" was properly cooked but it wasn't as salty or savory this time. So sad.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Humans... Who Needs 'Em?

It's been one month since I wrote Thoughts ? entry and things have been pretty level emotionally. In at least the last week (about the extent of my memory) I haven't had much more than a few minor short-term dips into the blues. Which is to say that I'm at a point (for at least the next five minutes) where I'm not yearning for a male friend and depressed that I have no friends or life outside of work and home (which usually involves lots of chores and taking the kids to the park again or sitting on the porch making sure they don't hurl themselves into oncoming traffic by my very presence.) All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and I certainly feel very dull.

So let's take a look at the "male friend" thing when I'm at least a 5, possibly a 6, on the Depression-to-Joy scale instead of writing when I'm down like I usually do.

Recently I was talking to a co-worker who was bemoaning the fact that he doesn't go out to lunch with people often. Now I've seen this guy go out more times in a month than I do in a year but whatever. So I made the first move and asked if he wanted to go to lunch sometime. And we did. I actually had a social event! However the lunch was 95% him talking with me interjecting a few tidbits now and then. Unfortunately that's what my wife and I have found when we spend time with other humans, that mostly it involves us listening while the other person purges themselves and not showing any interest in our lives. We might as well be mannequins who nod now and then and say "Yep." Which makes us feel like we've wasted our time and is draining instead of being a positive experience.

And while close friendships with any of the guys at church does not appear to ever be forthcoming, there's at least surface level banter. Which is to say that I'm not actively ignored like I have been at some other (ahem, Baptist) churches. Sure, I'm the one who approaches the other guy for small talk nearly all of the time but I don't get the feeling that he's anxious to get away from me. For the most part, that hour or so a week fulfills this introverts need for non-family social interaction.

Would I like a real friendship? Or perhaps someone to play guitars with? Certainly! But these are things for which I no longer hold out hope. And by not holding out hope they don't have the ability to hurt me.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Review : Cindy's Diner

I gotta tell ya, I had very high hopes for Cindy's Diner. It is a Fort Wayne staple, a classic diner that's been stuck in downtown Fort Wayne for decades. A few years ago when a developer purchased the lot where Cindy's had been squatting since the dawn of time, one of the concerns of the public was moving the diner to a new location before building the skyscraper. If you go inside you'll see signed pictures of all the famous people who've eaten there. Like the sign says, they're feeding the world 15 people at a time.

Because of their diner layout, where you sit at a long counter and watch your food being made, I was able to see them split two average-sized food-service biscuits and heat them in a microwave. No toasting. Then they ladeled on two generous scoops of gravy from a vat on the burner and microwaved it some more... in a styrofoam container. I don't like to microwave on plastic and definitely not in styrofoam but hey, I did order it to go and they did get it to me in about two or three minutes.

And here it is. It looks quite presentable, dontcha think? However those biscuits really could have used a toasting because they were gummy and lacked any character. The gravy was likely made in-house and was peppery to the point where my nose was running slightly at the end but was not overpowering. It had a very good flavor and excellent consistency but did not have very much sausage. There was exactly enough gravy for the meal and I enjoyed it to the very end, squishy biscuits and all. And now, hours later, I'm sleepy.

With tax the whole shebang was just under five bucks. Here's another picture that shows the generic biscuit.

Biscuits - 5
Gravy - 8
Value - 6
Service - 8
GRAND TOTAL - 6.75

Friday, June 22, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #21: Philly Cheesesteak Burger

Here they go again, making new burgers! Now they have a Philly Cheesesteak Burger and a Crispy Mushroom Steak Burger, with or without bacon. Since my tummy wasn't too rumbly I just went for the Cheesesteak burger.

And there it is. On a "hand-seasoned patty", which means the cook shakes some salt over a batch of burgers while they're frying. Whoop-de-doo. So taking a look I see a burger and swiss cheese, plus some grilled red onions, goopy mayo and the few shreds of the star of the show, Mr. Steak. Compared to their other specialty burgers, this one was pretty durned tasty. I might even buy it again, although it's difficult to pass up my old buddy, Bacon Cheddar Crisp.

Biscuits and Gravy Bonus Review: Hardees

This one also doesn't count because it's not in downtown Fort Wayne. I think there is only one Hardee's in Fort Wayne and it's far enough away from me that it doesn't pose much of a threat.

However I recently had a chance to sample their biscuity wares. And it was pretty good. The single biscuit for $2.19 came in a styrofoam container and was paired with a little styrofoam cup of gravy which had it's own lid. I'm a bit mixed on this. If I'm driving through then now I have another step that needs completed before I can eat (pour gravy over biscuit) but it's also nice because I can dip a piece into the gravy for less mess.

The gravy itself was pretty good. There was a decent amount of meat and it had a nice flavor and texture... fast-food pudding-like but not over the top. The downfall was the biscuit. It's a good thing they gave me a fork AND a knife because I needed that knife to cut through the top of the biscuit. Overcooked and tough! Inside was decent, however, and it had a passable flavor.

Biscuits - 5
Gravy - 7
Value - 6
Service - 7
GRAND TOTAL - 6.25

Friday, June 15, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Bonus Review: Cracker Barrel

I wasn't raised on biscuits and gravy. In fact, I didn't try them until I was well into my teens. However probably my first experience with this heavenly combination was at Cracker Barrel. They haven't changed much in the last thirty years... but I have. I used to love, love, love Cracker Barrel's biscuits and gravy but... Let's take a look at them and see how they stack up, eh?

Well, not actually a look because I didn't have my camera with me. If you've had 'em you know how they are... these buggers are amazingly consistent.

First up is the biscuit. They are on the small side, somewhat dense, and uniformly shaped. They are also buttery, rich, and slightly salty. You can eat one or two and not feel like there's concrete in your aorta. An order of biscuits and gravy will net you three such gentlemanly rounds while you get two gratis with most meals.

The gravy is devoid of meat. Sawmill, I think it's called. It has an almost pudding-like consistency, is as polite and un-offending in flavor as the biscuits, and comes in a small bowl. Small is the key here because I doubt you get even a cup of the stuff, but the biscuits are so dainty that this amount is usually enough.

For $3.99 it's a bit disappointing, value-wise. If you get the biscuits with your meal and add a side of gravy (for nearly two bucks) then it's a nice bonus. I'd say these are pleasant, every-day biscuits and gravy, not sometime to rave about but good enough to look forward to.

Biscuits - 8
Gravy - 6
Value - 3
Service - 5
GRAND TOTAL - 5.5

Monday, June 11, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Review: Comfort Food Cafe

I was originally going to try Revitalize Health Bar because I have been seeing Biscuits and Gravy on their sidewalk sign for months. However it turns out that last week was their last week for serving Biscuits and Gravy. Come back in the fall, they said. Such is life.

So instead I went to the Comfort Food Cafe. This sounds like a diner but it's in the basement of Citizens Square, the office building that houses the mayor, his minions, and other various public employees. Which is to say that the digs are not glamorous.

Comfort Food Cafe used to be the cafeteria for a local insurance company before they consolidated and no longer needed the building, so it looks like a cafeteria. At 9:00 AM on a Monday the place was a complete ghost town. I looked around, peeked in the back, and finally saw a bell by the cash register. One ringy-dingy. Someone came out of the back pronto. I gave my order and it was served up and paid for within about ninety seconds. Speedy!

With that kind of speed there's obviously no time for toasting the biscuits. I could see them clearly when he pulled them from either a refrigerator or a hot box, probably the later. The gravy was in a big metal tub on the grill.

As you can see, the emphasis it not on appearance. Yes, it kind of looks like a Styrofoam tray filled with vomit. Let's dig in, shall we?

Their sign says "Homemade" and it's possible that the biscuits are homemade. There's nothing wrong with them but they don't stand out. The gravy was of a very nice consistency and was full of sausage. It was also full of pepper. I know lots of guys like lots of pepper but I'm not one of them. It's two hours later and I'm still feeling a slight sting on the roof of my mouth. It wasn't way over the top spicy, just more than I'm inclined to enjoy. But flavor-wise, it was quite good and appeared to be homemade. It was also ladled up in an amazing quantity such that I had some left over, which isn't normal.

I mean, there was so much food for $5.25 that I was full after just one biscuit. However I soldiered on and finished, thus earning my yet another medal in the clean plate club.

Biscuits - 5
Gravy - 6
Value - 8
Service - 9
GRAND TOTAL - 7.0

UPDATE: I was so full that I skipped lunch and didn't eat again until almost three o-clock. A half-order is definitely the way to go.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

More Black Kow Magic

Last year Black Kow sent me a T shirt and hat emblazoned with their logo because I sent them pictures of how great their product worked. And just like their manure, the shirt was high quality... thick fabric and the image has not faded one bit.

So this year I again picked up some Black Kow compost, plus some inferior no-name stuff. The proof, as Bill Cosby will never say, is in the pudding.

Here are watermelon seeds planted in a three-year old bag of Black Kow, with a handy quarter for size reference.

Here are the same seeds (and the same quarter) in a brand new bag. Both are doing great but the sprouts in the new bag are just a bit bigger.

And here's one of those generic bags of compost. Wimpy wimpy wimpy.

Friday, June 1, 2018

Thoughts Part ?

So I guess I'm probably suffering from low-level depression. Or male mid-life stuff. Or just the doldrums. Or maybe I just "live in my head" too much. But whatever it is, I'm just not enjoying life. To be honest I've never been one of those people who are packed to the gills with joy, though I've prayed for it often enough. No, I just kind of persist through life.

In other words, I feel very beige. Very bland. I used to think I was a deep person but I was probably just full of myself. For years now I just feel very thin and that I don't have anything creative to offer to others or myself. Creativity used to be my identity. I would create art and music and video and I realize that I got into computers because they were tools for creation. Now I'm lucky if I painstakingly pull one or two short stories from my brain per year and maybe a cover song. Original songs? They used to gush forth from the boredom of sitting in a classroom and now that well has gone dry. So what to do when that which was your identity is gone?

I'm tried and am trying various things to boost myself up. I mean, there's prayer. And I have a great wife and kids and I enjoy doing things with all of them. Lately I've been trying new things, such as last year when I became a secret shopper. And a couple of weeks ago when I climbed up the hill and spent about ten minutes going down the railroad tracks that run by the place where I've been parking my vehicle for work for the past fourteen years. Funny, it's been there all this time but it never occurred to me to check them out. There were tracks behind the house I grew up in and a number of times I would travel down them, exploring. And alone.

That's the other thing. Alone. Other than my wife and kids I have no friends. Growing up I usually had one friend at a time, the last one being in college. Since then it's been a desert of friendlessness. This whole stupid Facebook/email thing makes you seem like you have friends but there's no one I hang out with. But I suck at hanging out. I'm a doer. So maybe guys just like to "hang out" like the men in King of the Hill. I can't do that. When I think back to it, the person who I consider the best and longest of people I considered my friends, well, we only hung out now and then. Most of our time was centered on recording songs at my wee little studio. I've lost track of the guys I've reached out to these past 20+ years. Sometimes the guys wife didn't care for me and I was out of the picture. That still hurts.

I hope I'm not coming off as complaining. I know that God hates whining and I hate it when my kids do it. Journaling is supposed to help and I'm just trying to get this out of my head so maybe I stop living inside my head so much. I don't like that I'm a wet blanket for my wife and kids and wish I could be a different person. I'll just leave it at that.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #20: Bacon Cheese Champ

There I was, eager all weekend to get a free stacker, only to find out that my coupon had expired. ARG! It's not like I hadn't picked up an Oreo Fudge stacker on Friday (no camera so no pic). It was good, with mostly ice cream but about 1.5 oreo cookies crumbled up on top and one spot in the middle, plus a squirt of fudge. But that only whetted my appetite and heightened my disappointment.

So I got a swirl cone instead for a buck. I hadn't noticed it with the stacker but the ice cream wasn't very creamy. It wasn't as ice-laden and flavorless as the cones you get at a Chinese buffet but it was in the same class. So it ain't no DQ but it was decently sized and very, very cold.

And they no longer have a Bacon Double Rallyburger with Cheese on the 2 for $5 menu. The manager said they could make one up for me, charging me for a regular Double Rallyburger with Cheese and then adding bacon for a dollar, but I declined because it wouldn't be eligible for the 2 for $5 menu and I'm cheap. Also I double checked the menu and there is no mention of a chili cheeseburger (double or otherwise), though I suspect again they could make one up for me if I asked the right person the rigth way. If it weren't for disappointments I wouldn't have any appointment. Oh well. But I'm not here to do secret menu items which left me with one option:

The Bacon Cheese Champ. As you can see, it's a messy fella. And there were barely two strips of bacon. Flavorwise it was about average, as far as their burgers go, and it was enhanced greatly by the medium fries I added and the SIXTEEN PACKETS OF KETCHUP I was handed when I asked for a few ketchup packets. Sometimes they give you two, sometimes they give you a double handful.

So that's it. Just like that, eleven months in and I'm done*. I've eaten every burger/entree option on their menu. Favorites include the Deep Sea Double, the Fry Lovers Burger (properly fried), the Bacon Cheddar Crisp, and the Baconzilla. Because there are only a couple I'll likely finish up trying the sides and because it's summer I'll probably be trying some milkshakes and slushies and smoothies, that is if I can find time between trying biscuits and gravy.

* Except I'm not. I'll probably never be done because as I walked up to order I saw signs for the New Bacon Double Bistro Stacker. One thing I really like about Rallys is that they are always coming up with new things. Such as the Apple Pie milkshake/stacker, though I only know this from their web site due to there being no signs in the walk-up area. However the end is definitely near.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Biscuits and Gravy Review: City View Cafe

Because I'm only two items away from finishing the Rally's Eat-It-All challenge (and because I forgot to bring something for breakfast) I thought it would be a good day to start up my next life goal.*

This aforementioned goal is to find (drum roll please) THE BEST BISCUITS AND GRAVY IN DOWNTOWN FORT WAYNE.

It's long been my position that a simple order of biscuits and gravy is a good litmus test for any restaurant. Are the biscuits hand made or (gasp) from a tube**? Likewise is the gravy made from scratch or is it from a can? How much sausage does it contain? Is it greasy? How plentiful is the portion? I think you catch my drift.

For my first foray into gustatory delight I ventured up, up, up to the City View Cafe, which is on the 13th floor of the second tallest building in Fort Wayne. This space used to be called the Window Garden Cafe and it has great views of the city. Currently it's run by a local catering/food service company.

First off, ordering was kind of weird. There's a hot bar area and you fill out your order on a small square of paper, checking the appropriate boxes, and lay the paper on top of the counter. The only other human was the cashier and a lady who arrived mere moments before me. After a full minute or so a young man showed up who looked like his best friend had died. He took our two slips of paper and got to work. Eventually he left and came back a minute or so later with a box of food service biscuits. It wasn't looking good.

Even though you're standing mere feet away the food preparation area is hidden behind a wall of frosted glass so you don't get the diner experience of watching your food prepared. I kid you not but it took almost ten full minutes to get my food. TEN MINUTES. And there was only one other person ahead of me!

I took my carry out order to the cashier who rang it up and said "Five dollars? Sheesh! Open that up will ya? I want to make sure he gave you enough." I wasn't the only one who thought that $5.07 was steep (including Fort Wayne's generous 8% food tax). But apparently the depressed young lad was generous enough because I was allowed to leave without further delay.

But the big question is how was it?

Surprisingly the star of the show was the pre-made biscuits. The young man split them, slathered them with butter and plopped them on the grill until they had a nice crisp on them, plus the fantastic flavor of butter. The gravy was of medium viscosity and didn't have much flavor. What it did have was a slightly strange taste such that halfway through my breakfast I could have been done eating, but being a member in good standing of The Clean Plate Club I made sure that I finished. There was a small amount of sausage bits, probably fried up on the premises and added to what was very likely canned gravy, but they tasted good and were also crisp. Sadly, I ran out of gravy with two bites left, although I'm not sure how more gravy could have been stuffed into the carry out container.

Biscuits - 8
Gravy - 4
Value - 5
Service - 2
GRAND TOTAL - 4.75

UPDATE Jan 2019
Alas, City View Cafe is closed. Gone. Extinct. The business that took it's place doesn't sell biscuits and gravy and so I shall shun them.

* And yes, it's good to think small.

** I had tube biscuits served to me once. Obviously it scarred me for life.

Friday, May 18, 2018

Rallys Update

I am 94.3% done with my goal. Yesterday I found that Rallys no longer sells the classic wings... it's all "boneless" wings a.k.a. chicken nuggets. So that's one off my list. They also don't sell the Chili Cheeseburger, even if asked politely.

Which means I'm down to a Bacon Cheese Champ and a Bacon Double Rallyburger with Cheese, although this last one may also be extinct. Yep, the end is near.

But not near enough. Yesterday I needed some extra sustenance so picked up a quick Fry Lovers Burger. It had three fries on it. Really, Rally's? Three? And they were soggy to boot! Fortunately I had used a coupon for a free medium fry so I just added some of my own instead of having to complain to someone who didn't make the sammich in the first place.

Sept. 10, 2018 Update

I just picked up another Fry Lovers burger and it had five fries on it. Soggy fries. Like they were waiting in a tray to be put on burgers for a while. Come on, Rallys! Get it together!

Friday, April 6, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #19 : Bistro Stacker Burger

One of the exciting things about Rallys is the new menu items that pop up randomly, usually advertised on their sign. And if you find yourself getting excited about new Rallys menu items then I'm sorry that your life is in the same kind of repetitive doldrums as my own.

So here it is, in all it's glory. There's the usual Rallys "hand-seasoned all-beef patty" that isn't much to write home about and the "toasted brioche bun" which had a shiny top and perhaps held up a slight bit better than their usual buns. I actually saw the buns come out of the toaster but someone needs to tell this location that their toaster is broken.

You can see the dusting of parmesan seasoning and that tasty onion tanglers. The web site says there are grilled onions but I don't see them now and don't remember tasting them earlier. The Bistro sauce was a nice variation but there wasn't much zing to it. However once I topped this puppy with some of their fries and a single ketchup packet I was in flavor-town! Or maybe it was flavor-hood.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #18 : Cheese Double and Rally Bacon Cheeseburger

The end is near.

Here's the Cheese Double. Not a double cheese. WATCH YOUR VERBAGE! I dunno... maybe the gloss has worn off but there just wasn't anything special about it. The diced red onions were properly zingy but otherwise... meh. I can see why the fries are the star of this franchise.

The other half of my Two for $4 deal is the Rally Bacon Cheeseburger. It's got round onions, not diced. I wonder how the Rally Gods decide which kind of onion will be on which burger? Note the severe lopsidedness of this sammich. For the pictures I just pop off the top bun and whatever clings to it stays with it and wherever the condiments lie, there they lay. Despite the odd arrangement, this burger had some good flavor. But then again, how can anything with bacon taste bad?

Only five more sandwiches to go! That is if they really do have a chili burger which was on one web site but I've never seen on the menu board. And I guess classic bone-in wings don't really count as a sandwich. Technicalities!

Friday, March 9, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #17 : $2 Shrimp Box

I loves me some shrimp but it's expensive. When I saw the sign for a $2 shrimp and fry box at Rallys I figured that the shrimp would be pretty tiny but I didn't expect them to be non-existent.

I also wasn't expecting the ten minute wait in the drive through but you know how the Rallys ordering lanes are... they're like channeled chutes and once you're in there's no way you're getting out aside from driving over some shrubbery.

When the employee, at long last, handed me my bag and said, unsolicited, "These are really good!" I didn't expect the smell of garlic that entered my car. Shows how closely I read signs, eh? [NOTE: The sign only says BUTTERY shrimp, not GARLIC BUTTERY shrimp... VINDICATION!!!!]

So here they are. A bit on the overcooked side, eh? There may be shrimp juice poured into the batter, or possibly artificial shrimp flavoring (I don't have the gumption to go check their web site) but there were no discernible shrimp parts even in the largest pieces. The garlic sauce was squirted over the whole mess and as usual had more smell than taste. The fries in garlic sauce tasted pretty yummy but for the most part I paid for batter and not shrimp. It's a good thing it was only two bucks.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

This Too Shall Pass Too

To follow up on my original G.A.S. (guitar acquisition syndrome) article, my sweetie bought me the top guitar back in 2007, the lovely natural finish monster that weighs a ton but sounds amazing. I would love to someday hear it played by a real guitarist! The only problem with it is that it has jumbo frets and I play too hard. I recently switched to heavier gauge strings and it has helped me quite a bit with staying in tune and not having the guitar sound “queasy.”

I still would love a Danelectro. Every now and then I search for used ones and they go for around $300. I missed the boat on a good investment, but maybe not because I kind of remember the clearance guitar being a seven–string. Maybe one day I will own a Mod or a 59.

The pawn shop by my work recently had the bottom/Artist guitar in. It was only $150 and was in great shape. However since I have two nice mid-range guitars I couldn’t bring myself to shell out $150 for a beginning guitar. It didn’t take long for someone to buy it.

Enter modern times.

Last summer I played a few times with a guy named Ricky who owned a half dozen or more Telecasters. Aren’t those country guitars? It turns out they aren’t and I soon started seeing Telecasters everywhere. Tom Petty, John Mellencamp, all your heartland rockers. I wanted that twang! I can build my own from BYOGuitars for $110 and have a decent guitar. Or I can add new pickups, new electronics, a Wilkinson bridge, through body strings, a better nut, copper shielding and have an amazing guitar. All it would cost is $270 (sarcasm) but it would be the equal of an $800 guitar when finished.

But there’s a problem. Aside from money and the fact that I think about guitars more than I play them. I’m not particularly fond of the Telecaster shape. It’s a classic but it doesn’t make me drool.

Then one of the ad-servers, based on my Telecaster browsing, showed me a picture of a Talman. It’s got a retro-Danelectro-Mod type body but with a Telecaster pickup arrangement. In sea-foam green!!! Sha-ZAM!

Speaking of sea-foam green, why are there two different shades from the same maker? The guitar shown above screams "That's ME!" but this one, with the same shape and pickup configuration, does nothing for me. Very strange.

Also strange is that they make a Talman bass guitar. I would probably use a bass more but once again it just leaves me cold. Is it the pickups? Is it the color? Should I get professional help?

Like most subjects of G.A.S., the longer I wait the less pull it has on me. But I enjoy the wanting. At my age there isn’t much that I need and very little that I want that I have any real chance of getting. A two week vacation with my family in the Smoky Mountains? I’d love it but it would cost five grand or more. Not in the budget if we want to eat and have money for medical bills. A house with enough bedrooms for every kid and one for my music stuff? A car that isn’t wishing it was ten years old? Pipe dreams. But two or three hundred dollars? I can scrimp/save that in six months, giving me something to hope and dream about the entire time. That is until a new guitar catches my eye.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Guitar Desire : An Introduction

And now it’s time for a new series, one that chronicles my involvement with electric guitars. No, not just in music but in wanting, owning, and possibly even playing one.

When I was a young teen I played keyboards. Hey, it was the eighties. There might have been magazines for keyboards but I didn’t know about them. What I knew about was Guitar Player magazine. I didn’t own a guitar and didn’t even really want to learn to play one… they were too complicated. No, I’d leave that up to Brad Owens, a friend of mine who could shred. Sorry, but I don’t remember what kind of guitar he had but I have a picture of it somewhere. It was white. But I would get the Guitar Player magazine each month and follow along with the music, following the lines of notes up and down as the featured guitarist did his thing.

Brad and I would sometimes drive to Music Manor, an independent music store (remember those?). He would lust over all the different guitars while I would look at the rack-mounted effects units and, if there was one around, the lone keyboard. All those things with strings sitting around the floor were ignored.

A couple of years later another friend, Roger, borrowed my brothers acoustic Yamaha guitar and learned it. Amazing! How do people learn these things!?!?! Keyboards make sense. The keys are lined up in a pattern and each one is a half tone higher than the next. Logical, eh? But the guitar… Insanity! I still had no desire to learn but once crucial thing happened: Roger suggested that I learn the bass guitar.

For a variety of reasons I didn’t take him up on the suggestion at the time. However in college another pal (hey, this makes it sound like I have friends! Unfortunately I do not. But that’s another series for another time) played a five string bass and once, at a live performance at the student center, he wanted to play the sax on a song and so handed me the bass. Wait… WHAT?!?!? He gave me a thirty second tutorial, turned down the high end on his amp, and very likely had me play open strings on some three-chord blues song. I have no idea of how well I played and really no way to judge. But between Paul’s lesson and Roger’s suggestion the idea was firmly planted. A year or so later I asked, and Paul allowed, me to borrow his bass to try it out some more. I had a bass sheet music book by one of my favorite bands, King’s X, and I wanted to try my hand at the songs. I don’t think it went well. And yes, I was in the habit of buying sheet music for instruments I didn’t play. I still have all of Beethoven’s piano sonatas plus a violin and piano set for Prokofiev’s first violin sonata. I just like following along, I guess.

Jump forward a few more years (1995ish) and I’m a young married guy in a very lonely marriage. I have no idea why but for some reason I had the urge to learn the bass guitar. As usual I just jumped right in without doing much research… kind of like the marriage. My purchase was a Yamaha four string natural finish bass from a pawn shop for $160. Someone has scratched, and then sloppily sanded off, something below the bridge. I didn’t even know how to tune the thing so I had to have someone come over who played guitar to show me. I was that green.

I learned to play, with “You Lord” by PFR being my first song. Again, I was so green I didn’t know that this was a pretty complicated song. Then I wrote “Lobster Boy” using every trick I knew: plucking, slides and hammer-ons. Within two months I was playing in the praise band at church and I learned that Roger’s advice has been very good. To this day, though I play other instruments, bass is where I feel the most at home, a place where in a group setting I have my voice.

Originally this series wasn’t going to include bass guitars but I see that they are insisting that they be included. How can I turn them down? Unfortunately I don’t think I have a picture of this bass and don’t even know the model number. Thinking about it, I don’t even remember what kind of pickups it had or even if it had one or two. So sad…

Note: It seems like I’ve touched on this subject once before in this here blog.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #16 : Fry Lovers Baconator

So what do you do when you pay your last child support payment? I don't know about you but I celebrated with a Fry Lovers Baconator burger. That's right. I live right there on the edge, toes hanging over.

So there is it, the beast. Now Rally's is not exactly known for their meat patties so in this case the burger was totally overshadowed by two titans: their amazing fries and bacon. Lots of bacon. Each bite was like a cage match inside my mouth as these two struggled to commandeer my taste buds. Or maybe it was more like a game of RISK. In either case, it was pure deliciousness. If Rally's keeps this sammich a permanent part of their menu I'll celebrate every major life event with a Fry Lovers Baconator!

Monday, January 8, 2018

Rallys Eat-It-All #15 : Extra Crispy Chicken Strips and Fries box

First off, I found the coupon book which I purchased for a buck on December 29,2017.. and noticed that all the coupons expire 12/31/2017. RIP OFF! However I don't think it will be a problem because these are pretty much the same coupons you get in the mail or email if you sign up for their club.

There was a break in the January weather where it shot up to 35 degrees F from the -3 it was for most of last week so I decided to head out for a stroll during lunch. And what should my wondering eye see but a Rallys sign for a $2 Extra Crispy Chicken Strip and Fry box. So I meandered over.

For two bucks I shouldn't complain... but I'm going to. When the sign says "Extra Crispy" I envisioned KFC-type extra-crispy. These are just average crispy. Yes, they look average crispy on the sign but I didn't look all that close. The other beef I have with this chicken is that one of them was durn near burnt on one side. Not inedible, but pretty dark. I got the regular 'cause my taste buds are wimps. The strips were decent-sized and tasted yummy and the fries, as always, were MSG-licious!